I agree with everyone else; I would grade an A or a B.
I would like to see what Valerie's mom has to say about it. Let us know how everything turns out! :)
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I agree with everyone else; I would grade an A or a B.
I would like to see what Valerie's mom has to say about it. Let us know how everything turns out! :)
i think it's good! i'm guessing he's on a track team? so am i. i really like it, do you think he would mind if i printed it out and kept it?:D
Thanks GP Girl! I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you printed it out. Running is his life and its pretty obvious in the poem :)
I read a ton of poery in my "real world" job, all by teens. That one is just fine, whould have gotten an A or B. If you want, I could have our official Poetry Editor give her opinion.
I don't care one bit whether he's dyslexic or not, that didn't effect the poem, and as poetry is subjective if it's free verse, she has no excuse for a low rade on it.
I think the poem is really nice. I don't understand, though, why she's taking off for paralellism if it was supposedly free verse. That's odd. I really like the poem, though.
Probably the most important structural device used in Hebrew poetry is parallelism. Many people understand "parallelism" to mean that a second poetic line merely restates or contrasts the point of the previous line in different words. However, in reality, parallelism is more significant than that. Parallelism is that phenomenon whereby two or more successive poetic lines strengthen, reinforce, expand, intensify and develop each other's thought.
"Parallelism focuses the message on itself but its vision is binocular. Like human vision it superimposes two slightly different views of the same object and from their convergence it produces a sense of depth." (Klein, Blomberg & Hubbard)
There are different kinds of parallelism:
A. Parallelism of subordination. The second part is subordinate to the first in some way.
He has shown his people the power of his works,
giving them the lands of other nations. (Ps. 111:6)
…Sing to the Lord, (statement)
for he is highly exalted. (reason)
The horse and its rider (example)
he has hurled into the sea. (Ex. 15:21)
B. Parallelism of contrast.
Direct opposites that share no common ground.
The Lord detests men of perverse heart
but he delights in those whose ways are blameless. (Prov. 11:20)
C. Parallelism of continuation.
Succeeding parallel lines present a progression of thought.
You who bring good tidings to Zion,
go up on a high mountain.
You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,
lift up your voice with a shout,
lift it up, do not be afraid;
say to the towns of Judah,
"Here is your God!" (Is. 40:9)
D. Parallelism of comparison. A simile.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; (Ps. 103:13)
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore. (Ps. 125:2)
E. Parallelism of specification.
Each succeeding line makes more specific what the opening line states in general terms.
It is I who made the earth (general)
and created mankind upon it. (specific)
My own hands stretched out the heavens; (general)
I marshaled their starry hosts. (specific) (Is. 45:12)
…say, "The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob."
They did not thirst when he led them through the deserts;
he made water flow for them from the rock;
he split the rock and water gushed out. (Is. 48:20-21)
F. Parallelism of intensification.
Intensification occurs when the second line restates the first in a more pointed, extreme or forceful way.
How could one man chase a thousand,
or two put ten thousand to flight…? (Deut. 32:30)
then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine. (Prov. 3:10)
From http://www.lff.net/otintro/id23.htm
From http://www.ancient-hebrew.org/23_parallel.html
Parallelism is most commonly found in the book of Psalms and Proverbs but is found throughout the whole of the Hebrew Bible. Parallelism is the expression of one idea in two or more different ways.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path". (Psalms 119:105)
The above example of a simple parallel and can be written in this manner;
Your word is;
1. a lamp to my feet
2. a light for my path
Here we see that the words "lamp" and "light" are paralleled as well as the words "my feet" and "my path". Below is another example of this style of poetry.
"My son, my teachings you shall not forget and my commands your heart shall guard." (Proverbs 3:1)
In this verse the words "my teachings" is paralleled with "my commands" and "you shall not forget" is paralleled with "your heart shall guard" and can be written as follows.
My son;
1. my teachings you shall not forget
2. my commands your heart shall guard
Below is Psalm 15:1-3 broken down into its poetic sequences. In this example each thought is represented by the letters A, B, C and D. Each expression of a thought is represented by the numbers 1 and 2.
A1. Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
A2. Who may live on your holy hill?
B1. He whose walk is blameless
B2. and who does what is righteous.
C1. who speaks the truth from his heart
C2. and has no slander on his tongue.
D1. who does his neighbor no wrong
D2. and casts no slur on his fellow man.
Another common form of parallelism is the use of negatives where two opposing ideas are stated as we see in Proverbs 11:19.
A1. Righteousness brings one to life
- A2. Pursuit of evil brings one to his death.
Another one that is easy to read http://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/gram_parallelism.html
To get across ideas of equal value or to create snazzy sentences, use parallel sentence structure. Good sentences attempt to form these patterns of parallelism. Sentences without parallelism can sound stilted awkward. For instance, which sentence sounds better below?
(1) King Alfred tried to make the law clear, precise, and equitable.
(2) King Alfred tried to make clear laws that had precision and were equitable.
Most people would argue that sentence #1 somehow "sounds better" than sentence #2. The reason is that sentence #1 uses parallel structure in its adjectives. Sentence #2 doesn't. If we label the parts of speech, the first sentence has this grammatical structure after the word law: [Adjective--Adjective--Adjective]. The second sentence has this grammatical structure after the word laws: [Relative Pronoun--Verb-- Direct Object--Conjunction--Verb--Adjective]. The first sentence has a clear pattern of adjective, adjective, adjective. The second sentence has no pattern at all!
To hear the difference between a parallel and non-parallel sentence, read aloud the sentences below. The red sentences are examples of "bad" or faulty parallelism. The blue sentences use parallel structure.
faulty parallelism: She revels in chocolate, walking under the moonlight, and songs from the 1930s jazz period.
good parallelism: She revels in sweet chocolate eclairs, long moonlit walks, and classic jazz music.
more good parallelism: She loves eating chocolate eclairs, taking moonlit walks, and singing classic jazz.
Do you hear the difference? What causes that distinction between "good" and "bad" sentences? Again, the difference appears in the pattern of grammar. If we dissect the sentence, the faulty sentence on top has a grammatical pattern that looks like this:
"She revels in"
"chocolate," [Object of Preposition,]
"walking under the moonlight," [Gerund--Preposition--Definite Article--Object of Preposition]
"and songs from the 1930s jazz period." [Conjunction--Direct Object--Preposition--Definite Article--Adjective --Adjective--Object of Preposition]
It's all a jumbled mess of different parts of speech being used in different ways. On the other hand, the second sentence has a clear parallel pattern:
"She revels in"
"sweet chocolate eclairs," [Adjective--Adjective--Object]
"long moonlit walks," [Adjective--Adjective--Object]
"and classic jazz music." [Adjective--Adjective--Object]
The same pattern (adjective, adjective object) reoccurs in the same way. It is parallel in its structure, and thus musical and rhythmical to read and to hear spoken aloud. The second example is also parallel, just in a different pattern.
"She revels in"
"eating chocolate eclairs" [Gerund--Adjective--Object of Gerund]
"taking moonlit walks" [Gerund--Adjective--Object of Gerund]
"and singing classic jazz." [Gerund--Adjective--Object of Gerund]
Good writers attempt to form these good sentences. Here are some more examples from grammar books such as Karen Gordon's The Transitive Vampire:
faulty parallelism: I like to eat rich deserts, playing fast card-games, and riddles.
good parallelism: I like eating rich deserts, playing fast card-games, and solving difficult riddles.
more good parallelism: I like to eat rich desserts, to play fast card-games, and to solve difficult riddles.
more good parallelism: I like rich desserts, fast card-games, and difficult riddles.
bad: She is unfathomable, with a head of strawberry blond hair, and has a seductive manner.
good: She is an unfathomable, seductive strawberry blond.
bad: He is cute, wears a pinstriped suit, and has a dashing way about him.
good: He is cute and dashing in his pinstriped suit.
bad: The faun has shyness, with rough hooves, and behaves in a sylvan fashion.
good: The faun is shy, rough-footed, and sylvan.
good: The rough-hoofed faun is shy and sylvan.
Note that faulty parallelism isn't really a grammatical mistake. It's actually a stylistic problem. When editors are marking up a paper for revisions, you may note they place a pair of slanting lines in the margin--like this //. Those two slanting lines (//) indicate the editor has spotted faulty parallelism in that line of text, and the editor wants the author to fix it.
Hrmm, I would do something about this. I would really give her a piece of my mind. In my opinion she is discriminating!
http://www.math.grin.edu/~simpsone/C...rms/free1.html
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From
http://www.english.upenn.edu/%7Eafil...freeverse.html
The poetry of the Bible, particularly in the King James Version, which attempts to approximate the Hebrew CADENCES, rests on CADENCE and PARALLELISM. The Psalms and The Song of Solomon are noted examples of free verse.
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It sound like teacher is confused herself.
Free verse is that, free concept. You can not force parallelism into free verse poem.
But in history the King James Bible was based on the Hebrew poems which ARE parallelism in structure.
I think your son's teacher needs to spend 5 minutes on the net.
Basically Free verse CAN contain parallelism but it is NOT required.
Unless teach asked for a poem based on the King James Bible, she is in the wrong.(i.e. A combination of free verse but based on hebrew parallelism)
Give her hell, Kim. Show that teacher up for the bully she is !!!!