Trust -or- Snoop?

Sadly, things are very different now than when I was a teen. The internet is a sneaky, nasty dangerous place that hides itself. When I was a teen, my mom could smell my breath to check for booze or smell my clothes to make sure I wasn't smoking or check with my friends parents to make sure we were safe and in good hands. You can't exactly do these things with the net. It's not so in your face.
So, yes, I'd probably set parental controls and snoop on the net to be sure my child wasn't in dangerous, predatory or pornographic places.
Unless given reason to worry or suspect, I would not, however, read my child's journal or emails.

I live with my grandparents and my grandmother does some so called snooping but she also gives me my freedom. Theirs a fine line to being a parent. You have to set reasonable guidlines while not being overly harsh. Face it your kids are gonna try drugs and etc. You can't stop that and if u try harder to stop them the more their gonna wanna try. Now as a teenager you need to try cigs,beer,weed ,sex etc now some teens get going crazy doing "hard" drugs like heroian or cocaine as a parent I would only snoop ever so often just to make sure nothing insane was going on. Now if I found they were smoking weed Id give em a talk and tell em my views and what not to do but I wouldn't ground them Besides giving advice and trying to control your children by the time their 14-16 theirs nothing you can do. If your teenager son/daughter wants to do something bad enough nothings gonna stop them except if their locked in a cell for 24hrs
If your a fair parent that gives reasonable guidelines like being home at 8 and don't drive past whenver then I don't think your gonna hav a problem with most kids unless they do got some problems so Id say snoop if u think somethings gonna on but don't freak out on small problems

I'm the mom of 4 teenagers, ages 17, 16 and 15 yr old twins. (God help me. :D ) For the most part, I trust them. However, if there seems to be a problem such as one of them becoming withdrawn, aggressive or something along those lines, I would most definitely snoop to see if I could find out the cause of the problem.

Otherwise, if everything is going well, I stay out of their stuff.

I would only snoop if I had a suspicion that something bad was happening. Otherwise, I would give them their space. That's something you really need as a teenager. I would request to meet the people they were spending time with, though.

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Originally posted by dukedogsmom
I would only snoop if I had a suspicion that something bad was happening. Otherwise, I would give them their space. That's something you really need as a teenager. I would request to meet the people they were spending time with, though.

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Valerie, you said exactly what I was thinking and was having trouble putting into words. I am the mother of a teenager and I don't snoop. She hasn't given me reason to, but she also is sitting right here with me when she is on the computer and so far, so good. :)

I think that as long as there is trust and honesty in a parent-child relationship, I see no reason to snoop. HOWEVER, once that trust/honesty has been violated, it's every person for themself.

Example: My very best friend has a 17 year old daught she THOUGHT she could trust. Last weekend, her daughter LIED to her and said she had to be at work at noon, when in face, she was due at work at 4 p.m. She took her Mom's car (she's only had her license for 3 months and was involved in an accident 3 weeks after getting it) and was driving on the highway (my friend only allowed her to drive on the highway when she was present, till she got more driving experience under her belt) on the way to their beach house. Her daughter lost control of the car, went down an embankment, flipping the car over. Fortunately, she was wearing her seatbelt and walked away from the crash.

Since her daughter had lied to her (and, she found out HAD been lying to her for sometime), she felt she had every right to go through her daughter's purse. Well, she found not only a lighter and cigarettes (her daughter SWORE she was not smoking), she also found a bag of marijuana and drug paraphernalia! This girl is SO lucky that the investigating Trooper didn't find the drugs instead of her mother!! She has no clue as to how lucky she really is!!

My friend is SO angry right now because of all the lies. She has cancelled her daughter's car insurance and tore up her license.

There is a lesson to be learned from all this. Don't give your parents a REASON to snoop!!

Oh, Donna, that poor mother. She must be heartbroken! I know how I would feel.

The thing is, we as mothers and fathers, should never assume that it "can't" happen to us that our children would never do "that", that is where we make our big mistake. When we assume this, then we are leaving ourselves wide open for a great disappointment. I was talking to my daughter here while back, and she told me about one of her freinds that stayed all night with her here at my house. She said the girl had got a hold of beer from somebody, and sneaked it into our house in her backpack, and they sneaked and drank it in her room. I never knew that! Never entered my mind that they would do such a thing. I guess I was lucky they wern't out driving when they done this. Very lucky!

Tricky situation. I know that I try to give my kids as much personal privacy as possible. I never go into their rooms unless I have good reason... that is THEIR space. HOWEVER, I have snooped and will snoop again. All three of my teens are good kids, but I know they are succeptable to peer pressure.

I purposely refuse to let my kids near the washer so I can "snoop" through the laundry every day. The laundry is the best place to snoop! Pockets hold some interesting things! LOL Also, a parent doing the laundry can tell if their teen has been into cigarettes, alcohol, drugs... all reek something awful on clothes. I'm telling you, its the best way to keep on top of their activities without actually invading their space. I know what clothes I buy and when something new shows up - it better be a gift that I knew about, something obviously won a million times that a friend didn't want anymore, or show me a reciept. Anyway, I noticed a lot of new clothing popping up, and of course got, "Honest, they're so-and-so's, I borrowed them" Yeah right. She got caught shoplifting not too long afterward and her whole world came crashing down around her. She's a FABULOUS kid with a good head, but made stupid decisions with her one friend.

As for the computer thing, I totally trust all three of my kids, but I also know all of their passwords. I've never once been compelled to check their e-mail. But on the ONE time I'm concerned about something, I will use it. All three know that if they wanted to use the internet and have an e-mail address they needed to provide the password. What's to stop them from changing the password after they give it to us? Who knows, but they wouldn't because they trust that we won't abuse the open policy. Also, they know that if they hide that one thing, we'll be suspicious and go rummaging through everything. Its not worth it to them to waste their time changing a password when everything would be a mess afterwards.

We have a very open and direct relationship with the kids. We trust that they will come to us with problems and they trust that we won't push for information. We also have their brother or sisters that come to us when they are concerned about their sibling. they don't hide anything from us about each other. They truly care about what each other's into and will talk to us about the stupid stuff they might be getting into.

I totally believe that open communication is the way to go. It's not "snooping" -- it's being open about what is going on in your child's life.

I think nowadays it is a matter of who you are corresponding on the internet. Today, the internet holds many predators. It sounds like your father is worried about this. It isn't a matter of him NOT trusting you but NOT trusting OTHER people! Many people lie about who they are on the internet. How many stories do you hear about someone meeting someone on the internet and meeting only to get killed, kidnapped, or raped??? Your father just wants to make sure this doesn't happen to you.
It is hurtful that he "snooped" but next time just say: Dad, if you want to know something just ask me. I will tell you.
Good luck and Stay safe!!!