sunscreen and a stubborn 15yr old daughter.

No she would not consent to clothing, she is very definite about her own style, she has to wear a uniform to school.,but thanks for the thought. :)

I got shivers reading your first post, carole, as you pretty much summed up the relationship between myself, the fifteen-year-old, and my mother. We don't always get on. :o

I would say that from your daughter's point of view, she probably doesn't appreciate being told directly (kinda silly, but mood swings I suppose :p ). I know I'd be more inclined to do something if it was implied I did it. For instance, if I did happen to not want to wear suncream, and my mum said "Zara, put this suncream on now!", my gut reaction would be to create an excuse, i.e. "But it'll stop me getting a tan!" or something of that nature. Argument follows.

I know I'd be far more likely to do that if, instead of demanding me to put it on, my mum said something along the lines of "You look really nice today, Zara. The suncream's just on the table by the door for you to pick up as you go out." That's set me in a good frame of mind and I'm most likely to oblige as it's, more-or-less, my own choice of action.

Of course, not saying this will definitely work, but just thought I'd add my own experiences as a teen. :) Remember she probably regrets the arguments more than you (I know I do).

ETA: I also wouldn't use the often-heard 'you'll regret it later' scenario with her, yes, you're right in what you're saying, but I know if it were me it would make me feel even more spiteful and less inclined to obey. Just a thought.

Thank you for you input, it was very much appreciated,yes well we used to have a great relationship, or so i thought, but since she turned 14 things have changed, believe me it is extremely hurtful to us mothers, we ache inside, well i do anyhow, i will try your approach, i must admit i have a very do as you are told approach, or else, it was how i was raised, but i am way more tolerant and easy going than my parents, but i guess to melissa it does not seem that way, it is only because i care about her and love her so much, but she just does not get that, she would rather i did not care, or so she would have me believe,is it not human nature to always want what you don't have,in other words, she wishes she had parents who cared less and let her do what she likes.

Again thanks for taking the time to stop by and post , i really wanted to hear it from a teenagers perspective as well, it helps me to figure out what makes her tick. :)

I could send you some pics of my dad before and after his surgery for squamous cell carcinoma... he was a farmer all his life, and never wore sunscreen. He ended up having Moh's surgery and an Abbe Flap procedure this past January and is still regaining feeling in his upper lip area that they had to do plastic surgery on. He lost his entire upper lip from the corners of his mouth, up to the bottom of his nose. They had to flap skin from his chin to fashion an upper lip area for him. He was lucky he didn't lose his upper palate or his nose. He still had to put a cream on his face after the surgery to kill all the precancerous cells.. it was technically chemotherapy in a tube. His skin had to bubble and cook off and get fresh skin underneath. It was absolutely horrible to look at, and I imagine it hurt just as bad.

If she wants a wake up call, just let me know, and I'll send you some pics. It scared me enough that I NEVER go without sunscreen, even in the winter.

Thanks for the offer, but she has seen television programmes with skin cancer being removed etc, at that time she was younger and it really did have an impact on her, but now she is over that, and just simply does not care, so she tells me, so you can see what i am dealing with here, and how fustrated i feel,she is more prone than a lot of people because of her colouring too, which concerns me even more so,yes it can be very disfiguring alright,sorry to hear your dad had to go through all of that.

Well guess who came home sunburnt on her face and all around her neck today, it has been an overcast windy day in NZ with bouts of sunshine, one of those days you really have to be extra careful as you don't even realise you are getting burn't.

I did not notice initially, as she came in and went to her room, i caught her putting on makeup ,something she does not do very often, and especially not after school, she was trying to cover up the burn on her face, she was very sheepish about it when i mentioned her sunburn,i told her oh well i am not buying anything to help it if it gets sore, that's up to you.

There were no arguments, just some smiles on both sides,mine a smile of i told you so without actually saying that, and her's of guilt.

She has gone off to her old primary school gala, and i said well what about the sunburn, she said i will wear a hat, and i have put moisturiser with sunscreen in it, and she wore a jacket to help the bit in the front, i am sincerely hoping folks this will be a breakthrough, melissa is a smart girl and surely she will realise now that what i have been saying is right, here's hoping but not holding my breath. :)