ES- Do I owe you money for the festivities in the summer of '04? I did eat alot.......
Printable View
ES- Do I owe you money for the festivities in the summer of '04? I did eat alot.......
Did you miss the collection plate by the back gate? ;) ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cataholic
Oh, Heck! I thought that was to used as my gas money back home! :o
LOL
I guess its just something we do up here. You do not HAVE to give money at these functions. I know if I ever get married, I will not need any gifts, as I already own just about everything I need to live in a house (full kitchen, yay me!)... But giving $ would help out a lot... so chances are this tradition started, when people like me were getting married, so they have money parties instead of gift parties...
I hope that made sence lol
Well, heres how the last couple of weddings went --
The last one had a stag-n-doe as one party, and not separate ones. The party was run by some of the friends as a way to help them raise money for the wedding -- this was our way, as their friends, to help them to get married without having to go into debt to do it. I suspect it may also be a way for either/both the bride and groom to avoid going to the 'peelers instead ;) *lol* There was limited funds for both families, and it made it easier on the bride and groom to help out.
The one before that was more of the standard turn of events - 2 bridal showers (one run by friends, and one run by family), a stagette party where everyone went out drinking, and a stag party where who only knows (or really wants to know :rolleyes: ) what the guys got up to. Both families covered most of the wedding expenses.
For me, presents are for showers. For the wedding itself, I always bring a card with money in it, generally between 100-150 each for me and my date. Help to cover the expenses and such, but not a present to the wedding. If someone told me that i needed/had to bring both a present and money to the wedding, i'd prolly tell them where to go ;)
edit: the smiley was supposed to be a rolling-eyes face aimed at what boys do at bachelor parties.
My husband's sister and future husband had a "Jack and Jill", sort of like a stag and doe. You had to pay for your ticket ($25.00) each person and the proceeds went to the couple to use as they saw fit.
When I got married I had a "Shower" and my husband had a "Stag".
BF- WOW. You are a generous person, truly.
I can't really say that I am familiar with these sort of 'parties'. IMO, at a minimum, they should be encaptioned 'fundraisers'. Truly, though, these people should be rethinking their priorities. Why enter into a 'new' life when they can't afford it? There are lots of things I want, and don't want to go into debt for. New house, new car, pay off my student loans, upgrade my wardrobe, etc. But, I can't afford it. So, I wait. Or, do without. Or, modify.
To me, this is just one of the areas of trouble with today's 'youth'. (I know, I know, I am once again knocking the younger set). The entitlement theory is a tough one to survive on....
I think there needs to be a clear distinction between Fund Raisers, Charity Balls and Celebratory Parties. I am not sure where a Gift Party fits in there.
I read in some advice column about a bride who suggested a minimum dollar value for cash contribution. And one who advised what color the guests should wear. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
You are right Cataholic....we must be old.... :D
Let's sit back in our rocking chairs and reminisce about the "good old days" when having a party meant entertaining your guests rather than counting the house. :D :D :D
A fun article about this subject ...Marriage
Well, the way i always figured it is -- I have a few close friends, and I'd like to see them be happy in their lives. If I can afford to help them out, then i will to the best of my ability, because I care about them and their future. You hopefully only get married once, and its for both of you, but also for your family and friends to help you to celebrate your lives together -- even if they can't necessairly afford everything. Its a way to give the new couple, as well as the attendees some good memories of what is supposed to be a special and memorable event.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cataholic
I'm not sure if I fall into the 'Today's Youth' set you're talking about -- quite possibly I do, but I have never felt 'entitled' to anything. I work for what I have, and I give what I can to my friends and family. But looking from the reverse thing, I have 2 parents, both very recently retired and not living together, into their pensions ... and I fully expect that I will into the future be having to help support them in some fashion. I may not be explaining what I'm trying to say very well here -- may have to think on it some more.
Blue Frog, remember that thread you posted before about people not turning up at weddings? I think I now know why. They can't afford to go to a wedding, so they try to kid on they have fled the country. ;) :D
Good point there, KK. For me, I would have to look closely at the pocketbook, and weigh the wedding 'requirements' with the mortgage 'requirements'. Thankfully for the young one, five pets, and this old person- the mortgage wins! BUT, a tastefully respectful gift would be sent. Operative word- gift. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Killearn Kitties
LOL i think you just solved the Mystery! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Killearn Kitties
It was more of the 'showing up to the reception and not the ceremony' thing, but this whole scenario may require some more thought... good thing I dont have any plans to be married any time soon :D
Besides, if i did, it would prolly turn into one of those 'ladder to the window and away' kind of weddings anyway!
Todays youth?
Ummm thats far from the truth!
My folks married 26-27yrs ago & did the same thing, but they also were given a couple planned gifts(I have the fondu set).. I think my mom was 25ish & dad was 31ish. My uncle got married in his 30's & did the same thing.
Its not something new by far! Its either gifts or money, not both (except for a few greedy turds, but ignoring them...)
Like I said, if I ever get married, there is nothing to get us & people like to give "something" at a wedding, so instead of gifts, its money.
Thats not why people don't show up to weddings. Theres no fee, as the stag n doe, is before the wedding & you don't have to go to the stag n doe.. its an extra event... people are cheap & just want free food & free booze
LOL good lord some of these "accusations" are ridiculous. It is not a "give me money because I can't afford to be married" sort of thing. it is a big party thrown mostly for people that will not be able to attend the wedding.... most of the time no one has bridal showers anymore.... at least people I know of. No one HAS to give money... you don't HAVE to go... you aren't EXPECTED to do anything. They sell tickets to a party.... WOW so unheard of :rolleyes: LOL. You go to the party .... the bride and groom RENT a hall, RENT a DJ, and buy booze to be served at the hall. They have games you can play.... you put down .25 cents for a goldfish race.... I hope that doesn't break the bank. You buy raffle tickets for door prizes or a 50/50 draw. For example, I am donating a bottle of Vodka for a door prize at my sisters stag and doe.... all the brides maids and groomsmen are donating door prizes as well as the bride and groom.
I really don't see where this says you can't afford to get married or you need a financial advisor... that seems a little silly to assume that throwing a party where you make back the money you spent on the party and maybe a little extra means THAT. I guess it's just a difference in culture.... this is VERY normal where I come from and is a GREAT time. I'm willing to donate $10 for a great party in celebration of such an event.... especially if I am not going to the wedding.
The wedding is already paid for.... I don't think it is unheard of for a newly wed couple to raise money to help start their new life. No one is expected to do anything or pay anything.... they just DO because they love the bride and groom and like to have a good party.
But again this must just be a big difference in culture.... even though it's just across the border lol. This is a VERY common practice and a lot of time it is expected that you will throw this party.
I think most of the time they still have their individual nights out for a bachelor or bachelorette party.... this is just a party they can throw together with ALL of their friends and family.
Today's youth? LOL... that cracks me up. You see... this is not a "today's youth" type thing.... where I am from this is a tradition and has been for many many many years.... long before I was even born. I guess it's just a different tradition than you are used to and you have a hard time understanding that it is not greed that governs these parties. You certainly would not be obligated to attend.
When the boys got married they didn't have a Stag n Stag party. A lot of people were mad.. Its going on 7 months & we stil hear about not having oneQuote:
Originally Posted by sparks19