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that's kind of what I was thinking - not that I contributed to a gift or anything but seems like she is acting not only a tad immature but a tad spoiled too. Dare I say it? Sounds like she is looking a gift horse in the mouth also if some of those clothes were gifts. That's a good way to NOT get things anymore! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by jenluckenbach
Good luck
Pick up some pamphlets on adoption and tell her if it that much CRAP here ya go. Just 2 weeks ago one of my coworkers - her grandson was taken to Children's with a subdural hematoma and 6 broken bones. Did I mention that the baby was 2 months old? The dad dropped the baby on his head a week before. It took her that long to bring the baby in. Mom is also known as a liar.The baby wasn't a planned pregnancy. The mom is 23ish as is the dad. The grandma was soooo excited over being a grandma and that was all she talked about. Now the baby is in custody of children's services and is going up for adoption which last I heard the grandparent's weren't allowed to adopt him as they don't know if they were the ones that did it or caused it.Quote:
Originally Posted by catnapper
It sounds like everyone in your household is stressed out...I can understand the strain it must put on everyone.
I know from the experience of my brother being a single parent for a year (he has since gotten back together with his wife) and him living with my mom what a strain it put on my mom, who has a very hard time saying "no," as in "No, I don't want to watch him tonight while you do so and so." Eric and I ended up babysitting quite a bit, not for my brother- but for my mom, who was taking on way too much.
I guess my best advice is, for your own sake, as long as she isn't putting the baby in any kind of danger, don't be afraid to step back and let her handle things...my mom aged a lot last year from feeling like she needed to do too much, when in fact it was my brother's responsibility. I know your daughter is only 18, and you all help out which is great...just make sure you take some time for yourself.
I hate to say it, but the majority of this problem is you and your husband's fault for doing too much for her in the past and not making this a big enough consequence for her. You have bent over backwards, much too far, and done much too much for her to be learning the lessons she needs to. She also knows if he is out of diapers you will buy them. She has not REALLY had to take responsibility for everything. As sucky as it is, you need to start requiring her to pay rent, as well as utility bills, contribute for food, and pay for her own baby. She is the one who got pregnant, she needs to take the responsibility for it, but you and your husband are shouldering a good majority of that responsbility, too much of it. She was spoiled when he was on the way and she's been spoiled up to now. She needs a hard lesson in reality, and she won't get it unless you cut off the cash cow. Make sure Cameron is taken care of enough so that he isn't in danger, but make her foot the bill. Stop doing everything for her. Don't do her laundry, or his, don't buy him clothes, let him wear what he has. Don't sell them on ebay for her so she can buy more. Stop enabling her to be a spoiled little brat.
BTW I didn't mean it in a rude way, just that you gusy do too much for her and she takes it for granted and has yet to see reality hit her in the face. She needs to take more responsibility for her choices, not you guys continuing to foot the bills.
Being 18 myself If I got pregnant (Touchwood not for a long time yet!) I would want as much help as I could get. I wouldn't care about how my baby looked along as he had clothes that fit him properly. I think its being very childish on her behalf and she is coming across as a brat! Sorry if thats harsh! She should get over the issue that the clothes are not "cool" enough she has a growing son she should be grateful she has help with clothes. I mean the little man isn't going to grow up self concious because hes wearing "ugly" clothes. My mum used to dress my brother in my sisters old babygrows and they were pink! lol Babies grow too fast and Im sure mums can definatly agree that baby clothes can be expensive so getting as much wear out of them as possible seems like a good idea to me, its not like he went out in the pink babygrow but its not like its doing any harm inside.
sheesh ugly?? U should have seen what Zoey was wearing today because it was cold and they needed to be worn before she grows outta them :p Some of the clothing I got at my shower wasn't what I would have picked but shes worn it all anyways!
I hope Cam doesn't catch a cold and hopefully Ashley will relize that what she did wasn't very smart on her part. ITA with letting her pay rent etc... Its HER baby and her and her BF need to step up. Its a privledge having you and your hubby help out so much its not her right. Some day maybe she'll realize it.
It's wonderful that you've been supportive in a time of crisis, but I do believe that now might be the time for your husband and you to set some ground rules and delineate the expectations you have of her while she and the baby are living with you. I get the impression that she is unwilling to impliment action to get child support from the baby's father. That shouldn't be an option under the current arrangement.
Also I don't understand this idea that if the baby's father buys some diapers, he somehow is doing his part. A baby needs more than diapers...like a warm place to live, care and supervision, food, medical care, transportation. All that takes money and it seem you and your husband have been providing all that for the baby as well as her. Diapers don't even begin to make a dent in what constitutes support.
As for her yelling at Cameron, she definitely needs to get a grip.
I think a family conference - and/or a family counsellor - is definitely called for.
I like the idea of a counsellor, because then the information and direction is coming from an outsider - not "just Mom or Dad".
Sounds like this is getting beyond a do-it-yourself job. Please look into the counselling.
hugs
So don't help anymore and stop putting your hands under her feet. If the baby cries leave her to it - if he runs out of diapers let her get them when his clothes get dirty let her wash them.... and the same goes for her
she will soon see what she has - and maybe respect it my own cousin (18 when she had first twenty when she had second) went through the same thing she had one then two and after the second my aunt said enough - she told her to find accomodation and she would help her with the deposit but that was it she was not funding her any more and she was not going to wash dry or iron anything of hers or her babies anymore and that she was not cleaning for them either - my cousin thought she was joking but things changed when she went to the laundry room to get something from the clean pile and realised it was not done and would not be done until she did it herself.
My aunt found it hard but she stuck with it and by god it worked what a changed young lady we have today she has a good job her own home is getting married next year and has three happy healthy boys - the transformation is amazing and she thanks my aunt for her help in doing this.
Sounds cruel but try it "God loves a Tryer".... or try cut back on your help and see what happens - keep us informed
Having been there myself, I can only encourage you to do whatEVER you think is in Cam's best interest. If this means you are buying him diapers, buy them. If this means you are buying him formula, buy it. If this means buying him a winter coat, buy it.
As for the stresses involved with raising an infant, I can tell you first hand, It. Is. Hard. I needed (and still need) tons of support. I wasn't getting any sleep, was eating poorly, felt isolated, and did I mention I wasn't getting any sleep?
If she is yelling at Cam, then, for heaven's sake- regardless of who is at fault, regardless of who is the 'adult', regardless of WHY, she needs some time away.
The tough love advice in some of the posters is ridiculous, considering the young, innocent baby will be paying the price.
Sure, SHE had the baby. But, last I checked, Catnapper's husband had SHE!
Hang in there, Kim. You can't see it, but, you are doing triple time right now. It will, and it does make a difference. You are doing right. ;)
Don't give up on your dream. It must be very hard to see the child's needs not being met in ways you know you can meet them. Maybe allowing her to figure out her own child care and transportation arrangements will be a growing-up exercise.Quote:
Originally Posted by catnapper
I agree with what people have said thus far. She felt she was adult enough to HAVE sex, she needs to be adult enough to pay the consequences.
I love Montel Williams quote is - if you pull it out to PLAY you better pull it out to PAY.