Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
A: Snowballs!
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Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
A: Snowballs!
ROFL :p:pQuote:
Originally Posted by cassiesmom
I heard this joke today and I have to admit, it took me a minute!
Why don't acrobats perform in the winter?
Because they only do somersaults!
AIRPORT SCREENING STATISTICS
Year to date statistics on TSA airport screening -
from the Department of Homeland Security:
Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3
AIRPORT SCREENING STATISTICS
Though those numbers are fairly accurate,
don't forget that 11 of those people were individually responsible,
for having 4 or more of the noted items.
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
A: I'm stuck on you!
(:rolleyes:)
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And now, a St. Patrick's Day joke...
Q: Why did the guy from Chicago start speaking with an Irish accent on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Because he wanted to go for brogue.
(groan)
A henpecked husband who's had a few is driving home one night when he's pulled over by a police officer.
"Excuse me, sir; may I ask where you've been tonight?"
"Why, out for an evening, officer," stammers the man.
"That's what I thought," says the officer. "It looks like you've had a little too much to drink this evening."
"That's possible," answers the driver.
"Did you realize," asks the police officer, folding his arms across his chest, "that your wife fell out of the car two traffic lights back?"
"Oh, thank heavens," the man sighs in relief. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
So a Pi Day joke...
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?
Pi a la mode
(I :love: ice cream!)
Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you."
She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear...do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
(I just love this part....)
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........!!"
Why is it good to have Alzheimers during Easter?
You can hide your own Easter eggs. :p
Not really very funny or appropriate to post here, especially since there is at least one PT member whose father has this heartbreaking disease. :( Maybe it wouldn't be so amusing if you had to live with it and care for a loved one everyday who is afflicted with it. :mad:
Thank you my father suffered from this for 10 years before he died. It was heartbreaking and not something to joke about in my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by pomtzu