HOW DO THESE FOLKS SURVIVE???!!!
At McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve" was the reply. "So I can't
order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
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The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago:
I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked
up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could
scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know
how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid for
the things and left.
She had no clue as to what had just happened.....
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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet
and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
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Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said,
"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank"copies. :rolleyes:
Keys To Business Success...
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.
3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing--they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's to way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you.
The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.
