Major Worries! IT's EVEN WORSE!!!

Kim ~ Your whole family is in my thoughts and prayers. I urge you to stay strong. Tough love may be just what she needs. She needs to know that she is responsible for her actions. Yes, she may think she's learned that lesson, but if you bail her out, she may always think in the back of her mind that you'll always be there to clean up her messes. Please stay strong. This very, very, very hard lesson may keep her from making countless mistakes in the future.

Please don't bail her out to make yourself feel better about the whole thing. We all want to be there for our kids. But, you are being there for her. In a different way. In my humble opinion, the biggest, kindest gift you could ever give her, is this time in jail to reflect on where she is. Where she's been. And where she's going. Stay strong!

Because Amy Beth is an adult, I doubt that I could "order" anything for her myself. However, the DCS case worker told us that Amy Beth would be ordered to go through a drug program as well as a parenting class when she is released. All of this will be monitored closely by DCS and she will not get Jenna back until they are satisfied with her efforts and progress.

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Originally Posted by kimlovescats

Because Amy Beth is an adult, I doubt that I could "order" anything for her myself. However, the DCS case worker told us that Amy Beth would be ordered to go through a drug program as well as a parenting class when she is released. All of this will be monitored closely by DCS and she will not get Jenna back until they are satisfied with her efforts and progress.

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Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.

Oh Kim, you are being a good mom and grandmom. This is what she needs, even though she likely won't realize it for quite a while. Glad to hear she passed the drug test and isn't going through withdrawl; thats a positive sign that you got her before she went completely down the wrong path.

I just read the whole thread and I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you, especially around such a joyus time. You, Amy Beth, and little Jenna will definately be in my prayers. Go with your instincts and stick to them, they will lead you on the right path through this. ((Hugs))

I'm so sorry to hear about the latest turn of events. Thank god you were there to get Jenna...despite everything she is lucky to have wonderful grandparents. I'll keep everyone in my thoughts.

Kim - Is it possible that if you did bail out Amy Beth, it would be seen in a negative way by DCS? Might they think that you are enabling her, or at least that you are not taking it as seriously as they would like to see. Surely your refusal to bail out your daughter will be viewed by them as a good reason to allow you to continue to foster Jenna. This might help Amy Beth understand why it is in Jenna's best interests for you to refuse to bail her out. At all costs, Jenna must stay with the family that she knows and loves.

What does your husband and other daughter think?

If you bail her out...remember how mad you got at Chad's mom for doing the same thing.

She can bail HERSELF out by reaching out for help from AA or some form of recovery.

That's HER job. Put the ball in her court, where it belongs.

And PLEASE call Al-Anon!

START HERE, if you want: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

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Originally Posted by kimlovescats

Also, she was telling me how awful it was listening to other inmates being sick all night due to detoxing. I feel like if she was having to detox, I would have known it by now. She was drug-tested when she was brought in and PASSED the test.

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I am glad she passed the test. But also witnessing what these drugs do to you by observing other people might actually help her bring the message home to herself to do something to change her life- this time for real and to stay..

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Originally Posted by Catty1

If you bail her out...remember how mad you got at Chad's mom for doing the same thing.

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Good point! His mom thinks she is doing the right thing every time she bails him out. But, it's hurt him in the long run. He hasn't learned his lesson. And he keeps making bigger mistakes.

While I agree that Amy Beth needs some "tough" love, I also don't think I could let my daughter sit in jail over Christmas. I might let her sit and stew for a few more days but I KNOW I would have her out for Christmas. What kind of a Christmas is Kim going to have with her child in jail - it's easy to say you wouldn't give in but in reality Christmas is about love and family and God who gave us Jesus so we could learn more about love and forgiveness. My son is dead and I would do anything to have him back for one more Christmas.

And from what I read Chad's parents haven't even let him spend a night in jail - that's hardly the same thing. We can all sit and say what would be best but in the end no one really knows how this will turn out and what the consequence of each action will be (let her stay in jail vs. bail her out). We can only pray that everything will turn out all right.

I've been following this thread every inch of the way. I'm not too good with words though so I haven't said anything. I do want to let you know, Kim, that you, Jenna, Amy Beth, and your whole family are in my prayers.

While most everyone has suggested letting Amy Beth sit in jail for Christmas is for the best I'm going to disagree. I think the best Christmas present for Jenna would be to spend the day with her mother. This must be such a hard time for Jenna and I'm sure she misses her mom. (Kim, you will still have custody of Jenna if Amy Beth is bailed out, right?) I want to add that I can't even begin to know how difficult this decision is to make, and I know whatever you decide, Kim, will be for the best.

Thank you 4dogmother and Kblaix for the honesty and varying opinions. This is NOT an easy decision to make and even though I am her mother and "should" know her better than anyone, I am not sure that I DO! :( She has done so many things behind my back and totally ignored my advice so many times that I just don't know. However, I can say this for her ... if I ask her about things, she generally tells me the truth ... if she truly thinks I know, and even some times when I didn't, she always feels the need to come clean with me. Yet at the same time, I know how my deceased brother used to lie and manipulate to all of us ... and he WAS an addict and it ultimately caused his death. :(

To answer Kay's question: no I do not actually have CUSTODY of Jenna right now. If at any time Chad requested it, he could come and pick her up from me and I could do nothing about it! It could be today, tomorrow, any time. I am just temporary SHELTER for Jenna right now. :(

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Originally Posted by kimlovescats

Thank you 4dogmother and Kblaix for the honesty and varying opinions. This is NOT an easy decision to make and even though I am her mother and "should" know her better than anyone, I am not sure that I DO! :( She has done so many things behind my back and totally ignored my advice so many times that I just don't know. However, I can say this for her ... if I ask her about things, she generally tells me the truth ... if she truly thinks I know, and even some times when I didn't, she always feels the need to come clean with me. Yet at the same time, I know how my deceased brother used to lie and manipulate to all of us ... and he WAS an addict and it ultimately caused his death. :(

To answer Kay's question: no I do not actually have CUSTODY of Jenna right now. If at any time Chad requested it, he could come and pick her up from me and I could do nothing about it! It could be today, tomorrow, any time. I am just temporary SHELTER for Jenna right now. :(

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what about the restraining order? is that null if she's in Jail? is Jenna not included on it? :(

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Originally Posted by shais_mom

what about the restraining order? is that null if she's in Jail? is Jenna no included on it? :(

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That's right, I think that he could not get her for at least now. His court date is also in January. There are so many different dates and issues to keep up with, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm basically just waiting for SOMEONE to tell me what to do when. :(