Dog Resolutions for 2001... by (Dog's Name)
In the interest of improved peace, tranquility, and harmony at Dear Ol' Dad's Ranch; I, Cinder, the lil' German Shepherd, will attempt to...
1) Close mouth and swallow before leaving the water bowl. (Dad hates getting his socks wet in the kitchen.)
2) While car riding, avoid climbing over Dad's shoulder to lean out the window and bark a greeting at every dog we pass.
3) Stop bringing my hard rubber ball onto Dad's bed and parking it behind the small of his back. He says nasty words when he rolls over onto it.
4) Resist sucking up half a bowl of water at bedtime and then requiring an "emergency out" at 2 AM to go pee.
5) More quickly relinquish the driver seat in the car when Dad returns and it's pouring rain outside. I'll only turn two circles and stretch once before hopping into the back seat.
6) Practice my "down in front" to reduce the time spent standing transfixed in front of the TV whenever the good part is on.
7) Not dash across the yard, hackles up, barking like a possessed demon, whenever the nice retired guy is walking down the road in front of our house.
8) Stop butt-sniffing the Kat when he's sound asleep in bed beside Dad; he makes such a fuss clawing and climbing over Dad to escape.
9) Not sneak into the bathroom while the Hoomin is showering and lay against the door, closing it and blocking the Kat from his box beside the porcalin fountain. Seems the running shower develops a need for Kat to pee, and with the door closed, he tinkles on the hall rug. Dad hates steppin' in warm pee.
10) Resist running up to the Park Ranger when Dad lets me run loose, dragging my leash, in the park. Rangers get really cranked when I jump up and plant two wet paws on their green unyforms. I also need to find out what "Your dog must be under control" means.
11) Listen more better. I have a hearing problem when we're in the park practicing my off-lead heeling and I see a sqwirrel. Them nutrats sure can run fast and go a long way 'fore they have to climb up a tree. A lil' kid like me could get losted inna' woods. Dad's always cranky when I come back without the nutrat, so we do a bunch of close order drills with a real short leash for a while.
12) Promise to not chew any more of the cloth skirts at the bottom of the living room furniture, if I can stay upstairs when Dad goes away. Really tore up the chair and the couch just after I got 'dopted and moved in. After I got hollered at for that, then I started to "submissive pee" whenever Dad came back from errands. Now I have to stay in the basement, tied to my timeout wall, where I can't chew on nuthin'. I finally quit goin' pee whenever he comes back, so now I'm ready to try the upstairs again!
Well, there's my twelve most worstest faults. After I fix these, there's nuttin' more the ol' Twolegger could want (I hope). Gosh; wish I'd thought of a couple easy ones to get started with...
Happy New Year, Dad; and same to all you other Twoleggers and fellow FurKids!
/s/ Cinder
