Rest in Peace my sweet Taos. May you be hapy, healthy & whole again at the bridge with all the other bridge kids. May we meet again someday. I love you buddy boy.
Thanks to everyone who has said some prayers for my boy the doc & I, his journey to the bridge was a peaceful one, safe & easy. Thank you all. That made it that much easier for the both of us.
I know he made it, he sent me a sign which couldn't of been clearer. On my way home from the vet I was talking to Chaos about all of the good times we had. The discussion of Goldfish crackers came up a few times (his favorite snack). I was about a mile away from my home when I looked up & saw the biggest most defined cloud right in front of me, shaped exactly like a goldfish cracker with the big ol' smile & everything! I about lost control of my car. It was simply amazing and did I say it was it a big cloud? It was huge. I can't even explain the feeling I got.
I know clouds have to fade & change but I still can't get it out of my head. A little while passes, the goldfish cloud looses its tail so its not really a goldfish cracker anymore is it? Well I couldn't stop thinking that it was still him & it was still the goldfish cracker and the huge smile turned into a major frown. I really lost it then. And all of those what ifs came back. I'm trying to get that last part out of my head but I can't.
The other critters said their goodbys, Maniac handeling it the worse. The other 3 seemed to know, they went over to him rubbed on him & left him be, Maniac kept trying to nudge him up & out of the blanket I had him in. So far Maniac will not sleep or play with the other ferrets, he is eating though so thats a good sign. I just hope he realizes that it was for the best.
I wanted the others to see him to say their goodbyes but I now realize that I made yet another mistake, I should of had a necropsy done on him. Now I feel really bad about it, I should of had the necropsy done.
He's in my freezer right now, as I really wanted the others the say their goodbyes, but I will bring him back to have him cremated. Damn it I shouldn't of been selfish. I should of left him there for a necropsy & cremation, I feel bad hauling him around like this. It just doesn't feel right to me.
My mind has just been in a total fog since yesterday so excuse me if I'm not typing correctly.
Thanks for all the support everyone. You guys brought tears to my eyes all over again. I am not lying when I say that this was the hardest decision I have ever had to make so far. I know it was for the best and I know I should be thinking some of these thoughts but I can't help it, I can't get the what if's out of my head, damn it.
I have abunch of all of the good things about him running over & over in my heart & thoughts but I am not yet able to put it down on paper yet. I have a lot of pictures to share too but I can't yet. I'd like to do a nice memorial for him but for some reason my brain is telling me to soak it all in, get over the what ifs and relax first. My heart hurts a lot.
Thanks again poofs for being there for us. You guys are great.
