Doggie Rules to Live By

I think we had one of these posted for cats but I don't remember seeing Rules for Dogs so here they are:

Things I must remember as a dog (in order to keep my present living
arrangements):

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the
bed.

4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it
up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like
the way they smell.

9. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they
are tasty, they are not food.

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in
the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it's raining outside.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the
backyard with them.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's
driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage;
I do not want a string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying hello.

24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed
a good hump.

25. I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next
to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the
carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because
the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
company is over.

29. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can
quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Cute!

This is going on the fridge. The next trick will be to teach Kia how to read it. ;) :D

Very, very good rules!

ha ha ha ha, thanks Jenn! I saw that a couple of years ago and printed it out. Looks like there have been a few additions to it. I added my own as well. I just can't find it now!

Thanks for sharing:)

I have seen these before but they always bring a laugh!!!!
#2 sort of reminds me of my son's ex-wife's Pekingese. He would always go under their glass top coffee table to hide. :rolleyes:

This are a little harsh but some of them are funny:

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny.

3. Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything
while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a
little like cat butt?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
who's walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy
carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.

12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far
behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a
proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my
knowledge, Dog Scientists hadn't yet solved the visible fence
problem!!!

:D :D :D :D Those are GREAT!!!:D

LOL LOL!! :D :D

And Kia gives me those "You nitwit" looks from time to time. :rolleyes:

ha ha , those dog rules for humans are great!!

The dog rules for humans is the funniest thing I have ever read! I know, it doesn't take much to humor me. Seriously, I love that! That one is getting printed and put up somewhere. Thanks again Jenn. I am laughing my butt off...... sadly, because it's true! ha ha ha ha:D!

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back. "

:D :D :D Too funny!!!

So I guess if I abide by the human rules Sadie will abide by the dog rules?

Not a chance the fart excuse is too convenient and she looks so cute in her sweater!