It's tough getting old
Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary.Maggie was young, sweet, and polite. One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open, on leaving the room,she said "Oh, Mr. Reiss, did you know that your barracks door is open??" He did not understant her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked "By the way, Miss Bolt, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing at attention??" She was quite witty, "Why, no, Mr. Reiss" she replied. "All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags."
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A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play
date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,"
the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a
divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to
her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'
license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
Because you got an F in sex."
