How to deal

Hi, I have a question regarding my cat that I'm hoping you may have some experience with. It may get long....

About 6 months ago, my two 13 year-old cats went to stay with my parents while I was on vacation and then while I was selling and building a new home. They stayed longer than we planned, because my folks became quite attached. In Jan. I brought one kitty back with me as she became quite ill. About a month later the second kitty re-joined us.

My sick kitty had to be put to sleep about three weeks ago and since then, my 'boy kitty' has been driving me up the wall. I don't know if he is still getting used to the new house and being back with me, or if it has to do with his sister being gone. He follows me all over the house and whines...he goes out in the yard and just wanders around, meowing and comes back in. He wants to eat canned food 24/7, when it used to be a treat he got once a day only. He has dry food out all the time. He doesn't seem to sleep at all when I'm home (except at night). All of these are new behaviors. In our old house, he was fine, slept for long periods of time and didn't seem to need to be with me all the time.

Any ideas? My folks have offered to take him back for a short time, but I am concerned that this will be very confusing and will only make it worse when he has to come back the next time.

Thank you,

Mimi

Mimi,

Cats are VERY unique creatures! I'm sorry for your loss! :(

It could be a combination of everything. Cats don't like change. Losing his sister, on top of going to your parents then coming back to a new home can really confuse hi. Do you have anything that has his sister's scent on it? That will help him. A bed, a blanket, ANYTHING that has her scent on it.

Cats do go through a grieving process, just like humans do, but in their own way. He's walking around calling out for his sister and looking for her. Just be patient. You might want to consider getting him a companion, either a kitten (female) or an adult.

I don't know where you live, but I have a 1 1/2 year old Korat/Russian Blue mix that needs a home! :D

Please let us know how you make out with your kitty. And be patient.

Welcome. And my sincerest sympathies in your loss.

As for the boy kitty, his actions don't need to all stem from the same problems. The following you around, and need for attention is probably due to the loss of his cat companion. The eating of canned food could be a medical reason. (Has he seen a vet recently?) Things like bad teeth/gums might make him choose the soft food over the hard food, for example. And at 13, even though not "ancient" is OLD, and the onset of senility is always a possibility, the loss of some sight might make getting used to a new home a bit harder......etc.

Try hard to give him as set of a schecule as possible and keep whatever you can from his old routines before the move. Have him get a senior check up at your vet to make sure his body is functioning properly and then just give him time.

A little cat companion might be good for him, but I would never recommend a kitten. At 13, that might cause too much stress on him. (Kittens can sure pest the heck out of a cat, and a lot of adults don't have the patience.) A young adult with the reputaion of liking other cats without dominating them, might be just what he needs.

Dear Mimi,
My sincere sympathy on the loss of your cat. It's so sad, I don't know what to say. I can tell you that when we lost Sapphire, blue pt Siamese, her companion of seven years, Cleo, (lilac lynx pt) was as distraught as I was. We made a right pair, dragging around the house crying together. When I went out I hated having to leave Cleo and would get home quickly as poss. She wandered round and round the house calling for Sapphire for some weeks. She had witnessed the at-home euthanasia and sat vigil all night long beside the box in which Sapphire lay, covered in frangipani flowers with an aromatherapy candle burning, the night before I took Sapphy to be cremated. Next morning before I left for the crematorium, I told Cleo to say Goodbye and she leaned into the box and touched Sapphire with her nose. I have no doubt she knew exactly what was happening and was in the same grief as I. After that we moved house and Cleo was very clingy with me. It was nearly 18 months later that I woke after a dream about Sapphire, turned to Cleo and said "It's time, isn't it?" And that afternoon I went and found a blue point, Colette, and as they say, we all lived happily ever after ( A few hisses at first...)Cleo is now 16 and Colette is 6. I hope this helps you to understand your boy's behaviour, and that when you both feel ready, another kitty can come into your lives, not to fill the other one's space, that's never possible, but to create a space of her own in both of your hearts. In the meantime, our hearts are with you both. - TC, Cleo & Colette.

Thanks to everyone who responded. I had tears in my eyes when I read your replies. Everyone is so thoughtful and kind. My boy "Alex" seems to be doing much better, as I am. He will have his annual visit to the vet soon and I will have his teeth checked out. I have noted that if I don't give him the canned food he will eat his dry food, so I think he's just pretty smart and knows how to get what he wants!!

I miss my Sam and have her ashes at home with me. I still say "good night, mom loves you" each night when I go to bed.

Thanks again for the good advice and thoughts. It does help.

Mimi