Jewel's Last Good Bye

I was putting my three dogs outside to go to the bathroom right before school and my mother had kept telling me to tie Jewel up so she doesn't run away. I would ALWAYS reply,"Mom, she has only ran away once and that was when she got out and a guy scared her away." Besides, I was latew and didn't hve any time to do anything.
As they were outside, and I was getting ready. My mom started yelling at me to get my dogs in because we have to go. Jewel was gone so I brought Jesse and Sammy inside and then all the pain started with a yelp. I went inside the house and my mom ran in screeching at me that Jewel was just hit by a car. I can't remember what I said, but I went outside and the man stoped to see if Jewel was alright. I got outside and Jewel was laying down on her belly with her head up! She looked at me and started wagging her tail. The man asked me if that was my dog and I weakly shook my head yes.
I walked over to her as my mom came out and started talking to the man. I gently picked Jewel up and my mom told me top get blankets on her to keep her warm. I went inside with her and covered her carefully in five towels (I had a hard time putting them on, that is why there was so many).
I sat down in a rocking chair holding her and she looked up at me as if asking,"I'm I a bad girl mommy?" I lost it and started balling, whispering I love you's and your a good girl for comming home.
I calmed down a little bit and waited for my dad to came home so we could take her to the vet. She licked my hand and laid her head down gently. Then she looked up and smiled at me with her eyes syaing,"Good bye mommy, I love you ..."
My dad got home and my sisters and I hopped into the pick-up and we started driveng to the vets. About after five minutes, my dad asked me to check on Jewel (she was still in my arms). I lifted a towel gently, and there was no movement. Her eyes were dull with nothing in them. I started to scream, and my grandma started to gently shake her in desperation. That was it, my dog died right in my arms when I knew CPR for dogs. My mind was blank, I just screamed at God asking why he took her away. Tears were streaming down my cheeks hugging my dogs lifeless body, wishing she would come back.
I still can't forgive myself for letting her die. If I would have tied her up, if I would have started CPR, if I would have done something different. I killed my dog, and it is hard to live with still.

Please tell me, what would you have done? If you knew CPR, would you have tried to save her? I feel so guilty. I don't know what to do. Thank you SO much for reading. Don't make the same mistake I did, the consenquinces are terrible.

Steph

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault...I'm so sad for you that you feel so horrible over all this. I don't know how long ago it was...? But it's not your fault. I know that I myself have let Duncan off leash many times in unfenced areas. The whole time, I think to myself " If something happens to him, what would I do? It would be my fault!" I have let him out to pee off leash before thinking, "oh it's only a minute, what could happen?" It's human nature and you are NOT to blame. I'm so so sorry you feel this way...Do not let it eat you up inside...
My childhood dog Bandit had hip dysplasia, a terrible case of it. But that was the 70s and he was a product of 2 neighborhood dogs and who knew? He lived with us for 10 years. His front legs were twice the size of his back legs. We just thought he was a mutt you know, different characteristics of each dog. I don't even know if hip dysplasia was even common knowledge then like it is now. He never seemed to be in pain, seemed to be the happiest dog in the world and I think he really was! He wouldn't eat dog food so he ate whatever we had for dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs was his favoite and he would have a red beard by the end of dinner! Towards the end of his life, my mother cooked special meals for him every day, a special diet the vet put him on. She spent all day Sunday cooking for the dog. She even seasoned it b'cuz she felt bad! :) Talk about family member! So one day when I was 21, my parents were at the neighbors and I came home and Bandit was missing. (No leash @ this point, he could hardly walk, he was 10) I found him at the neighbor's house where my parents were. We had to carry him home. We put him to sleep that evening. (There is more to the story that I can't tell right now:() My brother and sister never got to say goodbye. It was OUR fault that he had to die the way he did...but let me tell you, he was HAPPY! On the way to the vet's, my mother and I sat with him and fed him Oreo cookies, his VERY favorite food all the way. He knew, we knew and it was all good.
I'm telling you this story because I know how you feel. It took me years to get over my feeling of failure and of letting my dog down. But I have realized that I didn't. I'm sure he felt as blessed to live with us for 10 years as we did with him. That was over 13 years ago and it feels like yesterday...:(
You did what you could, accidents happen. Forgive yourself, Jewel has.

Steph,

Jennifer is quite right.

I'm sure everyone who has lost a dog wonders what they might have done differently that may have allowed their dog to live longer, or be happier. I know I do.

Please don't torture yourself with regrets and by second guessing youself. You obviously loved your dog. She died in your arms. Many dogs are unloved and die alone.

I'm sure that you will now cherish all of your other pets more than ever. Let that be Jewel's gift to them.

Ted

....and another precious furbaby makes the trip the RB. :( :( What's happening around here?? Too many losses to cope with.

Big hugs Steph and you did the best you could. Jewel was lucky to spend his last moments in your loving arms. RIP Jewel and watch over your Mommy for us.

Oh Steph, my heart breaks for you and we all understand the deep pain and sorrow and sense of guilt you are feeling. Any parent of a child, human or furry would feel the same way. But accidents do happen and in the light of such crisis and anguish, such as you were experiencing, our reasonable thinking goes out the window. You were gripped with fear and no one can fault you for not doing anything that in hind sight, you now think may have helped. It's clear you loved your beautiful Jewel with all your heart and soul and to the very end, she knew and felt that love as you held her in your arms. That is the most important thing. Whenever I used to feel guilt or sadness or regret over something I did, my mother used to console me by saying, "You did the best you could do at at the time. And when you knew better, you did better." Life teaches us many hard lessons along the way, Steph. But don't let guilt overshadow the love you have in your heart for Jewel. Do as Ted says, let an abididng and unconditional love for all your pets, throughout your life, be Jewel's lasting legacy. Wish I were there to give you a hug, Steph. I know the memory of that sad day is still with you, but try and slowly replace it with the many happy, loving memories you and Jewel made together. I will light a candle for your precious Jewel tonight. {{{HUGS}}} Sandra

(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hind sight is 20-20 and easy to see what should of been done. However, at the time, you did the best you could. I am sorry for your loss. :(

I'm sorry to hear of your tragic loss.

I think most times, when people are trained in CPR, human or animal, when the time come to use it, there is so much stress and panic that most people can't react like they are trained to.

Rest in piece Jewel.... :(

Rest Easy lil one.... its easy to tell your mommy loved you beyond words.....

Thank you so much everyone..It really makes me feel better knowing that people really do care, and I have tears in my eyes as I read what you had to say. It really touched my heart. God Bless You!
Jennifert9, thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry for your loss.
I will keep you all in my prayers! Thank you once more!

So sorry to hear this:(

RIP Jewels

I am so sorry for your loss. :( *hugs*

RIP Jewel

Stephanie I too am so so sorry for your loss. I personally know this was different than an ordinary pet passing away. I know your love for her was so strong and unexplainable. I just want to let you know that it wasnt [I]your[I] fault. Sometimes things happen and no one knows why that it ever would. But I truely believe it happened for a reason. Like Ted said maybe it was her gift to your other fur babies. You didnt do it, just remember that. I would have done the same thing, there's not too much someone could do. Rest in Peace sweet sweet Jewel, you will never be forgotton. Keep watch over your mum, she loves you more than anything. I will definately keep you in my thoughts and prayers, always. {{{{hugs}}}}

Rachel

I am so very sorry to hear of this tragedy :(. I cannot imagine how deeply you must be grieving and suffering, and there are no words that can really take that away. As others have stated there is no way for us to be perfect and always anticipate every outcome. We've all let our guards down at some point, sometimes we realize it afterwards and sometimes not.

I know you are grieved beyond words at Jewel's passing, but know she is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, healthy, whole, and happy. She loves you very much and awaits the day when she can joyfully greet you again.

My deepest sympathies go out to you, you will be in my prayers.

If we knew the future, we could change it...... but we don't. You can't blame yourself. Don't blame yourself. Tragedies happen even if you are so careful.
I am so sorry that this had to happen.
RIP, Jewel..........There are many PT angels to show you around Rainbow Bridge.
Hugs.