Am I a bad Parent?

My father gave me a dog a few months back. It is a full grown border collie that he and his wife found wandering around. They couldn't find the owners and kept her. My father was unable to keep her since moving to a house without a fence. She had to be pinned up but he took her for walks everyday.
I have a fenced in yard and took her in. That is when the problems started. I already had 3 dogs. My neighbor has 3 yippee poms. My fence was chain link and the neighbor's dogs would bark at my dogs and chase up and down the fence. My dogs would bark for a minute then walk away. My neighbor never reprimanded his dogs from barking and antagonizing my dogs.
The neighbor then gets the idea that it is my dogs that barked too much and were a nuisance. He threatened and harassed me to get rid of my dogs! Even got a nuisance order on me while I was out of town. My dogs were being watched by a registered animal control officer and the City's control officer is our direct neighbor. BOTH testified to me that my dogs did not bark and were very well-behaved. All the police officers who were called out fell in-love with my dogs and commented how good they were.
I put up a privacy fence between us. I let the original chain link fence stay even though legally it was on my side. He had stolen about 5 feet of my property and claimed the fence was his which wasn't. The homeowner prior had put it up. I just knew if I took that fence down it could hurt his dogs because he is too lazy to rebuild another fence.
In our struggle, I discovered the reason for this sudden attack by my neighbor. Turns out he is petrified of large dogs! A former owner of my house had a large Rotweiler. He'd had reported that owner repeatedly as well. Eventually, the homeowner moved across the street to avoid confrontation.
Benji is a sweet dog that wouldn't even hurt a flea! She is twice the size of my other dogs. She isn't alpha dog and is scared of the cat. I've even seen my neighbor pet her and right in front of the police officer! His fear of big dogs even affects his son who was scared of Benji at first.
Because of all of this, she has developed strange behaviors. She is scared to go out when she used to love to. I practically have to push her out the door at times. She has been going to the bathroom in the house. She is even more timid and shy than usual. She doesn't obey well. I don't think the neighbor has done anything to her. It has gotten to the point where I want to put her up for adoption. I feel it would be in her best interest. Am I a bad parent because of this?
PS. I love Pom's and Rotty's. Don't want you Rotty and Pom owners bombarding me! ;)

I would first look into why her behavoir has changed. Are you sure the neighbor hasn't done anything? Are you other dogs acting strange? I understand you want to do what's best for the pup, but I'd look into all avenues first.

Welcome to PT! :)

I would supervise the dogs when they go out, make sure your nieghbor isn't doing anything. Even if it doesn't seem like it, all of the commotion and/or your nieghbor possibly yelling at her or worse could scare Benji. Border Collies are the most sensitive dogs in the world! A small disturbance can freak them out, because they are very observant and smart. Have you tried taking her out on walks to get her to go potty? do everything to build her confidence, go outside with her, play ball or whatever games she likes out there, give her lots of treats and make it a very positive experience. Also, try to introduce her to all of your neighbors (except for the one who doesn't like her, of course, unless its possible), have them give her treats and let her know that the people around you are nice. You might also want to enlist her in obedience classes, it will help her gain confidence and you said she isn't listening well, so it should probably help that. You could also call a behaviorist to just talk or even come over and check everything out.

Don't force her outside, coax her out and be very patient. Border Collies sense everything, even if you're slightly annoyed or mad at her. If she is really a complete nervous wreck, you could consider finding her another home, but who knows if that would even solve it? Maybe all of what's gone on has really freaked her out, and she would act the same in some one elses home?... and would they then want to take her to obedience and help her to get over this? I would definitely recommend you try Obedience, desensitizing, and just encouraging her lots.

:) good luck!!

I never owned a border collie before. I knew they were extremely smart but not about the sensitivity level. I've been considering obediance training for her but can't escape the house without having to take the other 3!
Her behavior has just changed completely since adopting her. Her adjustment phase should be over.
I don't feel we are bonding at all right now. Could it be a struggle with finding her place in the "Pack"? I am Alpha Human, Scooby is Alpha dog and Miss Thang the cat is Alpha Home! She plays with Scooby very well which she is twice the size of.
I've tried a variety of different bonding exercises. Finally, got her to lay on the bed with me. She will sometimes sleep with me. She still won't let me hug her.
I am hoping nothing has happened with the neighbor. I do keep an eye on them. I usually make sure their dogs aren't outside and the neighbor isn't home when I let them out. Even the dogs barking or not barking she gets scared to go out the door. I just grab her collar and lead her to the door. It is still up to her to leave or not. I just lead her there to see what is happening and to assure her.

It takes a long time for an adopted border collie to feel comfortable in their new home. I completely agree, keep an eye on her and the others outside, I think someone has scared her. Be patient, give her more time to adjust. Loads of love will make the transition come about quicker. Obedience training will help to boost her confidence in herself and make her bond with you more quickly. I wish you the best of luck with this.

Hi Scooby,

You might want to put a leash on your Border Collie to lead her to the door vs leading her by the collar. That can me a very demotivating gesture to some dogs. I know with Oz, I did that a few times to lead him up to the start line in agility and I saw quite a noticable change in his desire to go to the start line. He was acting like he was being punished. So I changed methods pronto, when I realized the effect it was having on him. I started leading him upto the line with treats and he was immediately excited again about it.

Par...

My Adopted dog Nova changed alot for the first 6 months I had her. I would give it more time. I didn't feel like we bonded at first and then one day I relized how deep our bond is. Us humans don't sense things sometimes untill we take a step back and look.

Ashley

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Originally posted by Scooby4
I never owned a border collie before. I knew they were extremely smart but not about the sensitivity level. I've been considering obediance training for her but can't escape the house without having to take the other 3!
Her behavior has just changed completely since adopting her. Her adjustment phase should be over.
I don't feel we are bonding at all right now. Could it be a struggle with finding her place in the "Pack"? I am Alpha Human, Scooby is Alpha dog and Miss Thang the cat is Alpha Home! She plays with Scooby very well which she is twice the size of.
I've tried a variety of different bonding exercises. Finally, got her to lay on the bed with me. She will sometimes sleep with me. She still won't let me hug her.
I am hoping nothing has happened with the neighbor. I do keep an eye on them. I usually make sure their dogs aren't outside and the neighbor isn't home when I let them out. Even the dogs barking or not barking she gets scared to go out the door. I just grab her collar and lead her to the door. It is still up to her to leave or not. I just lead her there to see what is happening and to assure her.

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now you know why they say BC's are only for certain people! lol... they can be very wierd, insecure, and highly sensitive. which is why SO many are abandoned, and why many do not work well with children. They're hyper-sensitive, its what makes them good working dogs and sometimes difficult house dogs. Give her time. Set aside a lot of special time just for her, where you play with just her, brush her, train her, and just pet her. Allow her to bond with you. I agree with Par, don't drag her around by her collar, allow her to go at her own free will or try walking her a while on her leash to go potty. Are the other dogs scuffling a lot with her, or coming down on her? Definitely keep an eye on her and make sure there's no other reason that she's distanced from you.

In my opinion, Obedience is essential for BC's! They need mental stimulation, and praise, and bonding time thats involved in training. Can you get some one to watch your dogs while you take Benji to classes? Or, could you keep them in their crates with Kongs during the 1-2 hour sessions? It will totally be worth it for Benji, the socialization and confidence could help her a ton.