Just some jokes about lawyers
Well, a lot of people don't seem to like lawyers very much (apart from the ones on Pet Talk of course!), so here's a story and some quotes:
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued ... and won!
In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
… and here are some examples of intellectual prowess from the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal:
"Were you present when your picture was taken?"
"How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
"How was your first marriage terminated?"
"By death"
"And by who's death was it terminated?"
"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
"All my autopsies are performed on dead people"
"Do you recall what time you examined the body?"
"The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m."
"And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
"No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy"
… and this is my all-time favorite:
"Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
"No"
"Did you check for blood pressure?"
"No"
"Did you check for breathing?"ª
"No"
"So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
"No"
"How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar"
"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
"It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere"
My goodness, lawyers and politicians, do we really need them? :rolleyes:
