Ugg...My relatives and holidays :S

We are having Christmas Eve at my house with my mom's side, and there are probably going to be 30 or some people here. I hate getting together with her side because I feel like the worlds biggest failure, and I am afraid to do anything for fear of doing something wrong. :( I'm not happy and I should be because its Christmas but I'm not. They make me feel like I'm not even worth talking to, although they do talk to me, but still thats how they make me feel. It's just not a fun experience. And to top it off, Heidi has been a pill lately by going into the kitchen and counter surfing :mad: So if the gate isn't up then shes probably in the kitchen. I don't know exactly what to do with her today because I don't want her to be in her kennel all day, but I don't want to risk losing our food or having relatives mad at me because there are probably going to be a lot of people going between the family room and the kitchen and so the gate might not be up all the time. I am working on fixing that, but for right now its still going on. Any advice on what to do today with her would be appreciated. :) It's just stressful. Plus, my mom's side goes WAY over the top with gifts, and they give TONS of gifts, but we can't afford to do that and then it looks like we are just super cheap. Another thing that makes me nervous is that my aunt and uncle have backstabbed my parents by having meetings about my dad with other family members. :( I just hope things turn out well today, and it goes by fast. Ugg....I might spend a lot of time in my room or with Heidi somewhere quiet. I don't want to be looked at as a snob, but I don't want to feel like a total loser and worthless either though. I'm sorry for my little rant, but I feel bad. :(

Its hard not to care what others think but try not to let it get you down...your opinion of yourself is MUCH more important.

["They make me feel like I'm not even worth talking to, although they do talk to me, but still thats how they make me feel."]

Miranda, I'm sorry you feel so bad at Christmas, but may I say something? No one can make you feel like anything, only you control how you feel. Hold your head up girl and don't worry about what they think or feel. As long as you're being yourself, you'll be fine. Merry Christmas to you and Heidi!

It just doesn't help when I don't think highly of my self regularly, but I am getting better. :) I will try to not let it bother me, but its hard.

Doesn't help when your mom's family makes you feel like that...it makes me mad I try to be so careful to give my girls a healthy self esteem....I looked at your profile...your a teen right? That is just about the toughest time in your life you need support not judgement...a great big hug to you....it will get better.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It helped me and tonight went a lot better than I expected. I think it helped that it was in my own house as I could escape if I felt bad, and I had Heidi to focus on too. That helps a lot because I am focusing on her and playing with her and everything and not on how people are treating me. I think one of the reasons that I was apprehensive was because the past few years the Christmas Eves have been rather tense and I felt just really stupid and everything, and I suppose I almost expected it to be that way for this one too. But it went well. I got a GSP calander, some warm fuzzy gloves, $10, bath bubbles, a sweater, a pillow, a figurine, and a small purse type thing. :) They were all very nice gifts and I really like them. Again, I would like to thank you all for your kind words. You people are so sweet on here. :)