Quote:
Originally posted by Karen
My edits and notes in parentheses)
In today’s society, there are countless number (add a 's' here to read 'numbers') of changes in our generation that needs (remove the 's' here to read 'need') to be made. In my opinion, one of the most important change (add a 's' here to read 'changes') that needs (remove the 's' here to read 'need') to be made is for our generation to be less(remove the hypen here)-materialistic. Our generation has seem(should be seems to have)(remove the word 'to' before forgotten) to forgotten the true meaning of life. People are more caught up with earning money than spending their(delete this "their" - it's not needed) precious time with their loved ones.
Today’s society seems to be in competition with each other (Society is a singular thing, do you mean "seems to place us" in competition?)(or would it sound better as: "People today seem to be in competition with each other"?)). Our generation tends to compare what materials they have with the materials that (delete "that, unnecessary) another person has. People seem to be working overtime at work(delete at work, where else would you be working overtime? ;) to earn money to buy the biggest and best materials. (instead of saying "to earn money to buy", say: "to earn money so they may buy...")
What are we forgetting when we are so caught up in materialistic items? We leave out our loved ones by accident. People are only on this Earth for a short amount of time. It is a short amount of time when elderly begin to pass on, and the kids that we once knew are(have become instead of "are grown") grown into adults. While we have been working so hard to make enough money for Christmas presents, birthday gifts, our brand new escalade(Cap Escalade), our three(add hyphen three-story) story mansion, changes have been around us that we are unaware of until its to (need an apostrophe in it's, and another o in too) late. We will not take any of these materials with us when we pass on to the next life. The question is why do we need all these unnecessary (need and unnecessary contradict each other - could delete unnecessary in this sentence, and end the next after reason. Shoter sebtence, but stronger point.)) materialistic items? There is not a reason for to have (reword to: There is no reason to have so many unnecessary materialistic items.) all the unnecessary materialistic items.
We will have to decide (would 'realize' be a better word here?) that our loved ones are more important than the (remove 'the') fancy cars or diamond rings. I think our generation needs to take a day at a time to explore new things in life. We should live each day like you(we is plural, you is singluar - pick one, and stick with it for the whole thought.) were dying. Be sure to take a hike, sit around the table playing board games, (add 'and' here) explore nature. Overall, just thank God that you have one more day to spend with your loved ones.
