Felony and how it hit me (a discourse, part I)

I have never met Cori or Felony, but the news about Felony hit me so hard, I felt compelled to write. Pardon this REALLY lengthy epistle, but this hit me really hard, and I needed to write some things about (and to) my best friend Buddy. Like I said, this is meant to be a catharsis for me, so I apologize if this doesn't interest anyone.

I saw a dog on a shelter webpage 9 years ago next week, it was Labor Day...a beautiful white shepherd with a gorgeous smile and beautiful aura about her. I was going through a tough time in my life, and needed to have something to love.

I made the hour and a half drive to the shelter, knowing in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't be coming home alone, or sad. I bolted through the door of the shelter, proclaiming "I'm here for the white shepherd!!" Needless to say, the employees were taken aback by my enthusiasm. I made the long walk down "the Aisle" (you know the one) and saw all the faces looking up at me with hope and love in their eyes. We stopped at the shepherd...there she was...as gorgeous as in the photos. She was VERY excited to meet me and I her.

Now here's where it get's interesting. I took her for a walk on the leash, and something just didn't feel "right"...like she wasn't for me. I can't explain it, but it was a definite, indescribable, but irrefutable feeling. I was crushed!!! I was about to leave, broken-hearted, when the shelter manager said, "Wait! We had a suprise last night when someone dumped a dog into one of our outdoor pens! Why don't you look at Danbury???"

Half-heartedly, knowing I had driven so long, I agreed. I remember it like it was yesterday. This little, 6-month old furball looked up at me and smiled...wagging his tail gently. It was immediate, and I knew I'd found what I was looking for. The walk cinched what we both already knew. We belonged to each other from that moment on. I put him in the car, and as I drove off, I heard them shouting, "Oh, he hates the car!!" Ugh...boy did he ever...He "hated" the car 3 messy times on the way home. :)

To be continued in the next post....I promise, I'm bringing this around to how Felony's passing and this story are related!!

Continuing my story/letter to my best friend/elegy to Felony:

So, anyway...I got Buddy (I hated the name Danbury, and his demeanor helped rename him) home and it was like we were meant to be together...EVERYONE on this board knows the feeling I am talking about.

Things couldn't have gone better until I took him for a routine check up 2 weeks later. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at work, and got a call: "Mr. Schultz? We have some bad news. We got the bloodwork back..It's heartworm, Mr. Schultz...Buddy tested positive for heartworm." I literally dropped the phone and started shaking. I didn't know what to do. I had just found this bundle of joy, and here he was, being taken from me. I knew how lethal the treatment could be. I asked them to re-run the bloodwork. They did, and called back two days later confirming the results. I cried, and cried, and cried. I couldn't imagine being without my boy...even after such a short time.

This is what reminded me of the pain Cori must be going through. It doesn't matter how long they're with us...but once they have touched our heart, the stain their pawprint leaves is indelible.

Lots of prayer, love and medicine pulled Buddy and I through. We've travelled the country together. I've bought a house so he would have a yard. I bought a car that would accomodate him (and his carsickness). He's the best thing that ever happened in my life, I think. Now that he's 9, I dread EVERYDAY the fact that he won't be with me forever. It scares me. What will I do? Will I have the strength to survive it? I'm not sure. I'm hoping that I'll be as strong as Cori is being right now. Cori, I'm with you in spirit...I feel your pain as if it were my own. I haven't been able to stop hugging Buddy tonight, because you never know what the future holds. In my mind, I'm hugging Felony tonight.

Sorry for the lengthy writings people....this news just hit me soooo hard.

Rich

I know exactly how you feel. This reminds me of a thread I did not too long ago. It's here: http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthre...er+to+your+dog
And here is my letter.
Dear Duke,
When I first picked you out of that group of five or six dogs(one your brother) I never dreamed the impact you'd have on my life. I put you in my truck and you loved to go riding, even though that was the way you were abandoned. I am glad someone threw you away. Because they sure didn't deserve the kind of happiness and love that you've given. You have been such a blessing in my life. I got you at a time that was supposed to be the happiest in my life. I had to board you until I could move to Texas but I made sure you knew I loved you. The woman that cared for you loved you, too. To this day, I know you remember her because she's the one that taught you how to shake hands. Remember the stuffed bear I brought you? You had the face torn off the first day.
When in Texas, I never dreamed we'd both endure what we had to endure. You were only six months old. I was married to a horrible person that doesn't deserve to be called a man. When he got home from work in the early morning, I would have to listen to your cries of pain. I don't know what he did to you because I was in bed with the covers over my head. I feel somehow I let you down, let us both down. His dog and you endured so much. Don't even want to think of what kind of damage all this did to his son. I was so beaten down that I had almost lost hope until one day I'd had enough. I thank God I had the courage to be ready to leave when he got home one night. I had had more than enough for both of us.
Every day since then, I've tried to make up for that horrible mistake and I know you love me as much as I love you. I love taking you for rides. You get so excited, even if it's for a ride around the block. I love taking you to the beach, the way you stretch out and spread your toes in the sand. I love brushing you to sleep at night, still making sure you feel my love. I fall asleep with my hand on your side. I love how you wait for me at your favorite spot at the window. I love how you play in your blanket, gently moving it with your mouth and digging with your feet to get it just right, before you do a few circles and curl up. I love how sweet you look, curled into a ball, sleeping. It breaks my heart to see all the gray hairs around your muzzle. I know that means that you're eventually going to have to leave me. I can hardly see now as I type through tears. I pray you're healthy and happy for many years to come. Any time is too soon to lose you. When you do leave, you'll rip my heart and soul apart. I don't know how I'll go on without you. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me. You're my sweet baby dog.
__________________________________________________ __
We are all thinking about Felony tonight and praying he can still be forever in your heart, Cori.

I just read what Cori wrote about what happened...my heart's broken for you.

rich

Tissue warning needed.
I was already crying when I read about Felony,
it did not take much to start up the tears again
with your beautiful tributes to Buddy and Duke.

Thank you for sharing.

Well, I thought I had cried all the tears I could already tonight and then...

I don't know who's the luckier one in this love match, Rich or Buddy:) It was truly meant to be that you and your Dad came to be as one, wasn't it Buddy!! You had no doubts who YOU were going home with. How come it took your Dad so long to realize it;)

Oh, how I know that vague, yet undeniable sinking feeling in your gut when you look into your beloved furbaby's eyes and ponder the unthinkable; the cold, harsh realization that one day, those eyes will no longer gaze back at yours in loving adoration, never again will you bury your face in their neck and soak in the glorious scent of their earthy, sun soaked fur, or smile as you watch their paws paddle, their lips twitch as they dream happily of the day's exciting adventures. You pray that day will never come, but you know it will. It is the price we humans pay for the blessing of their unconditional love. But, with that brand of eternal optimism that perhaps only an animal lover knows, you push to the side your feelings of fear and try to dwell on the exquisite beauty of the moment you both live in and put tomorrow aside. You're so right Rich. We never know what the next day, let alone the next moment holds for us. And like you, and I'm sure Molucass as well, and all of us, I cherish and hold sacred every single moment I have with my beloved pups. I have experienced that great loss once before and I pray God gives me the strength to endure the heartache that I know awaits me. But for now, I give thanks for the furry bundle that sits at my feet and I say "Thank you friend." Bless you Felony, Buddy, Duke and all our beloved furababies, earthly and heavenly. How lucky we are.

I can't tell you often enough Cori, how heartbroken I am for your loss. It's unimaginable, the pain you must be feeling. We're here for you sweetheart, ok? How we all loved your beautiful little boy. Love, Sandra

I know this probably won't help Cori much with the agony she must be feeling, but after reading of Felony's passing first thing this morning, I burst into tears and cuddled with Samantha, pet her, and cooed how much I loved her so long that I was a full half-hour late for work. She kept looking up and licking my tears away and I know she was confused, but all I could do was think of the day when she wouldn't be here and (excuse me, need a tissue) burst into tears all over again.

Cori, it's hard enough when an older dog is diagnosed with something and you have time to prepare, but to lose a puppy so soon and so unexpectedly... I cannot even imagine how you must be feeling. But please know that you are in my prayers and like many others, Felony's passing really hit me hard. I'm so sorry for your loss and please, please let any of us know if there is anything you need.

Rich, I'm sorry I haven't responded before now. I was away for a few days and missed your post but I just wanted to tell you how deeply your story touched me. I felt like I was there, could see every moment as you described it. Of course I also thought about my own trip to the pound when I got my Tasha girl (she got sick in the car ride home too!). Isn't it incredible how much they mean to us, how very much we love them, how intense that soul-to-soul bond is? The price is high, the pain when we lose one is immeasurable, but I would not want to go through life without knowing that wonderful, intense and truly spiritual love between my dogs and I.

I'm so very glad Buddy made it through the heartworm treatment, that you and he are still living and loving every day. I know that dreaded time will come someday, but his devotion, loyalty and love will uphold you, even after he passes from this life. I still feel it from my boys, I know they are still with me.

Thank you for sharing your story, I truly loved reading your experience of meeting Buddy.

I don't come to the dog side often, so I just saw this now. Your story about Buddy really touched me Rich, as well as all the posts about dear Felony. When I first heard about Felony, I cried *at work...oops* even though I didn't know Felony or Cori that well. I do know the pain of losing a beloved companion, as my parents have reciently lost their boy, Blue. When mom called me to tell me Blue had passed, I started to cry and shake and I didn't make it to work on time (niether did my mom or dad.) No one understood how broken up we really were but all of you on PT do understand! I am so glad that there is a network of support out there.

Such touching posts, I am in tears, hugs to you all.