Cat Miracle Diet *grin*

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!
Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!



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DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.



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DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.



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DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with it on top of your down-filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps, and then turn the bowl over on the floor.



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FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, and antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew on it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

LOL!!!!!!!!!! Now I finally know what I've been doing wrong with dieting!!!! :rolleyes: :eek: Hmmm, maybe I like being fat afterall?
hehehe:D

Kim

LOL! Isn't that the truth!

ROFLOL!!! The only good part about his diet is I assume spouse/partner will be cleaning up all the puke instead of me for once!!!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/wink.gif
Too funny, bu I'm with Kim...I'll stay fat!!!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/o...es/biggrin.gif

Man! Are there cameras in my house? Am I being spied on? How did they know? :eek: This goes on daily at our house.

Halo would add:
"Catch a nice, fat, furry vole (kind of like a mouse) and eat its little head. Leave the pile of guts in a heavy traffic area. Sit back and watch the fun." :(

Cammie would add:
"Wait for Halo to catch a vole. Take it away from her and eat it's tail. Leave the pile of guts......"

Pepper would add:
"Bring home a nice, big frog. Hold it down with one paw and lick it within an inch of its life. Lose interest and walk away. Sit back and watch the humans run all over the house trying to catch it. When they release it back into the swamp, catch it again the next day." :rolleyes:

I whizzed through this one... Didn't want Chester to get any ideas!

Now that would be a miracle diet! I know I would lose weight on that kind of diet! Yuck!

Willie:D

Yeah, but how could that work for those of us who gain weight by simply LOOKING at food? :D

And has the author of this diet met my boys? They aren't exactly long and lean!

That was too funny!!! :)

ROTFLOL

This has been floating around for years, and every time I see it I laugh so hard! The mental pictures it conjures up.

The Siamese Cats,have a different routine! Stuff Your Face,and then throw it up,wher your Guardian,is sure,to notive it,as on the steps,or in Door Ways! Or if yiou are JJJ#,whine and MMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOW For Temptations! That is a Funny Thread,and Very True!

That's the first time I've seen that one and we laughed so hard! It's all so true! Thanks for sharing - we needed a laugh this morning!