Revolutionary Notes From Chairman Meow
From: Friday Something
By: Nancy Gleiner
Basic rules for cats who have a house to rule:
- If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly! If you don't have time, an Oriental rug is a better choice than a shag.
- Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, scratch on it as hard as you can without stopping. Once the door is open, do not feel obligated to use it.
- Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can arrange to have fish breath, even better.
- For rubbing against trousers, select fabric and color that contrast well with fur.
- When a human is cooking, sit behind his/her left heel.
- For book readers, get in close, between the human's eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
- Knock breakable objects off shelves between the hours of 2 and 5 AM. Humans are usually asleep then; otherwise, what's the point?
- Sniff the laundry to see if it's clean. If it's not enjoy. If clean, lie on it.
- Begin people training early. It leaves you with more nap time.
