Final Journey *I wrote this today*

Go forth into the world and travel to places only you can see…

I stare into the wall trying to think of something, anything other than the voices in my head. I look in the mirror and I never see the same reflection twice. I try to figure out what’s wrong with me and then I realize that maybe there is something wrong with everyone else. I pull myself out of bed and into the world where things move on at a rapid pace and realize that although I am perfectly capable of keeping up I simply don’t see any point in doing so.
I wander aimlessly into the bathroom and turn the shower on. I stand under the water, glad that I can cry now and nobody will care. I walk around the house soaking wet and without clothes, unaware of any presence other than the ghosts inside my head. Maybe I’ll jump off the roof today. Maybe a bus will hit me. Maybe just maybe I can find a point where I can see how my actions are part of a greater whole.
Maybe I’ll rediscover religion.
Maybe not.
I light a candle and fall into bed. I take a knife from the kitchen and run it down my wrist until my blood drips softly like tears of mourning. I laugh because it doesn’t hurt anymore. I laugh because it doesn’t help anymore. I laugh because I can laugh when so many other people at this very moment, at this climax in the story of their wretched lives, cry for mother and cry for father and cry for whatever delusion they call god.


I drink from the bottle. It has been comforting me for what seems like forever and yet I always feel abandoned at the end of it all. I keep going back because I realistically can’t motivate myself to think of any alternative.


Maybe I’m better off this way.


It all begins where it ends.


Goodnight sweet journey, I will miss you. I’ll miss the scars and the pain. I’ll miss the nightmares and the insecurity. I’ll miss the unpredictable chaos of living inside my head. I’ll miss the bottle and the knife and all the fun I had on the roller coaster of escapism.


I will miss you.

Honestly I come up with this off the top of my head...I wasn't really "Feeling" this way...I got the words in my head, I wrote it out and it was gone. Sometimes I get flashes like this...its usually how I write anything aproximating "good" lol.

Hey Fyre... I figured since you shared, I'd share too. :) I write mostly poetry, but i've got a handful of short stories and am working on a novel at the moment. :) But I thought it was only fair that since you share what's in your head, I post a couple things i wrote.

This one is a little bit older, but it still fits a lot of days... :)

Moments of Solitude

In the silence before the dawn
I awake too soon
and reach for something that is no
longer there.
Alone in a world as
empty as a virgin’s bed.
An infinite silence
surrounds me as I am
all that remains of life.
All around there is
nothing but an emptiness
so tangible you would be able to
lock it away in a box.
If there was a You, that is.
For You are no longer.
It is I. Just I.
I am all that is left.
Who dared to open Pandora’s box?
To release the evil which
threw me into this lonely universe?
Curse him who sentenced me
to this life of solitude beyond solitude!
Am I doomed to live out the remainder
of my years in this, my personal hell?
My one true fear personified
in this world that is no
longer a world.
For I am truly alone.
All I have left are my memories,
my regrets and the love I felt.
But these are not enough.
I took for granted
all the things around me,
and it is these I miss.
Would that I could change my past.
Maybe loneliness would be bearable
without the regrets.
Silent tears fall and stain the paper
on which I write.
With a wild cry,
I gaze at the starless sky.
In the silence before dawn,
I awake too soon,
and reach for what was
never there in the first place.
Above me, Orion stands ever steady,
to remind me
there is always a second chance.

Quote:

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Originally posted by DJFyrewolf36
Go forth into the world and travel to places only you can see…

I stare into the wall trying to think of something,
I will miss you.

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This is very, very dark writing...but also a good way to release the very feelings we probably - possibly - all have. Hard to read though!
I have written similar things - at least *thought* them. Maybe not quite so dark...
Writing and jounaling is a healthy outlet though.
Yours too, Heinz!! Good expressions of very deep emotions.
Don't feel bad at the lack of responses. It's a bit hard to respond to. OK? I always feel a bit bad when very deep things are shared and then very few respond...

It is sad, but I think it's beautiful writing, and I bet at some point we could all relate. I think you have a real talent for writing. Is it something you want to do professionally?

DJ, and JC, I thought they were really good, both of them.

DJ, you should write a complete story! I would really enjoy reading it.

JC, you are a very good poet, and if you are writing, I would enjoy reading anything, that you have to offer.

Willie:)

Heinz, that was really awesome!!! I enjoyed it very much. You have a talent, you really do. I would enjoy reading your short stories. I can really identify with what you're saying, I've felt that "aloneness" a lot... My poetry has gone downhill since I got a full time job :p Maybe we should start a poetry thread!

CatMama: Im working on some things to publish. Some poetry is already published. I have a collection of short stories *all unfinished* :rolleyes: that I intend to clean up and publish as a collection. One of them is reeeeeeeally graphic and as much as I would like commentary on it there is no forum *except for the pervert ones and I am NOT posting there* that will let me post it. It's about romance novel graphicness so it isnt THAT bad but some people would reeealy have a cow ;)

Trayi: I'm going to post a story or two on here as soon as I finish one :D. One should be finished soon, I think people will like it. Its kind of a Dark sci fi story with a wierd emotional twist. I'm getting my old files off of my parents computer...I might just post a completed old story if I get enough requests!

I Also love poetry and since DJ and JC both wrote I think it would be only fair....

But, let me go get my poetry book.

Dang... I can't find my poetry book. But I will post this poem that i saved on my cpu. It was a school assignment on WWI so...

HOPE
Though so much is gone,
So much still remains,
All hope is not lost,
Some gone, but some gained.

So scared to live,
But more scared to die,
Some stand up and fight,
Some sit down and cry.

Don’t loose your faith,
Even if all else fails,
Some things will die,
But dreams always sail.

DJ, I would love to read some of your stories!

And some of yours too, JC.

You both have a lot of talent.

Willie:)

Hey, thanx for posting petluver!! You better have gotten an A for that assignment...I think it is a very good poem! Trayi, look for something very soon *I'm going to write it today lol*