Feline Personal Ads
>
> Gentle cat, conservationist, seeks refined home where manners count more
> than mousing.
>
> Gourmet seeks position as chief food taster. Excellent taste in venison,
> salmon and other fine meats. Connoisseur of cream. Will indicate quality
of
> all foods tasted with loud purring.
>
> Young cat, suffering delusions of lion hood, requires easily scared
family.
> Not yet able to dispatch wildebeest, will practice regularly on local
> wildlife.
>
> Elderly tabby seeks employment as bed-warmer. Will keep bed warm
throughout
> day in return for daily salary of Whiskas and water. Gets along well with
> similarly inclined felines of all colors and willing to work as a team or
> will cover additional beds on shift rota basis.
>
> Mother's help seeks post, will undertake dish-licking and general purring.
> Willing to supervise well-behaved children. No tail-pullers need apply.
>
> Retired supervisor, skilled in entertaining children seeks position as
> nanny/child minder. Has experience of working in large unruly household.
> Very tolerant, has trained large family now living overseas.
>
> Daredevil, enjoys living dangerously, seeks untamed wilderness to
> explore/subdue between breakfast and evening dinner. Will keep territory
> free of children, dogs, rabbits and other cats. Will contribute towards
own
> meals.
>
> Adagio dancer and operatic singer prepared to give exhibitions any time,
> need board and lodging together. Midnight performances a specialty.
>
> Small conscientious cat willing to work hard in return for good home; will
> tackle and destroy any creature up to a fair-sized moth; will scare away
> flies; not afraid of spiders.
>
> Sweet-natured, well-behaved cat, handicapped by enormous size, needs large
> country estate. Would make ideal companion/chaperone for single person
with
> strong lap, good income and excellent taste in food.
>
> Reformed juvenile delinquent seeks position with understanding family. No
> longer bites unless meals are late. Suitable replacement for guard dog.
>
> Retired rodent-control operative seeks position controlling slow or
disabled
> rats, maintaining physical presence or willing to supervise younger cats.
>
> Tortoiseshell sisters seek large cat basket, sleeps 2, in well appointed
> location with en-suite gas-fire. Fully qualified lap-warmers/purrers,
> willing to occupy laps on job-share basis. No mousing.
>
> Trouble getting up in the morning? Enthusiastic feline alarm clock, preset
> to 5 a.m. seeks position after previous job fell through. Punctual, seven
> days/week.
>
> Black and white cat seeks neck to warm. Suitable replacement for hot water
> bottle, does not cool down during night.
