My dad's father emailed me....

My dad commited suicide when I was 1 year old (25 years ago this Mother's day). My family really fell apart after my dad died. Apparently, I used to live with his father and was close to them until I was about 2 years old. I spoke to him briefly on Christmas when I was 13 and he said that he really wanted to keep in touch. I never heard from him again after that.

Well, he just emailed me. He didn't say anything except Tonya, is this you? I really want to talk to him, but I'm scared. I don't know what to say. I don't even know how to address him; by his first name or grandfather. It seems awkward to call him grandfather when I don't know him.

My feeling is never break ties with family and if he wants to communicate with you, I say go for it. What's the worst that can happen? Drum up all those hurt feelilngs again?? Maybe if you two sit down and talk about that hurtful time you might feel better. He lost a son and you lost a father. There is common ground to meet on. As for what to call him, maybe ask him??

I'd be shocked if someone from my past appeared just like that. I can imagine how shaken you must be.

One thing I like about e-mail is that you can think about messages and don't have the pressure of replying instantly, like you would if he had called you on the phone.

I would contact him and say how you're feeling awkward about things and don't really know what to say to him. He'd probably be rapt to learn that he's got a great-grandchild if he doesn't know about Jaden :)

I agree with Slick. He is your grandfather, and maybe you can comfort each other. Learn more about your dad in the process.

Willie:)

Having never been in this situation, I can only say go with your gut feelings Tonya, it won't hurt to see him, even if it is only the one time, but maybe contact will be good for both of you, there maybe things from the past you need to know, whatever happens I sure hope its a positive experience for you both.

I say talk to him, because the way I see it, Jaden is lucky to have great grandparents. Both of my great grandfathers died when I was under the age of 6, and it would be great for him to remember them. I don't remember anything about either of my great grandfathers.

Grandfather can be used as a formal term, even a term of respect for an older person to whom you are not even related. it would be easier to call him Grandfather than Grammpa or whatever, but it may be easier for you to call him Mister Whatever-his-name.

I understand your wariness, and think it is okay. This is a chance, though, to reconnect with that part of the family both for your own sake and his. I would give him a chance.

Isn't email great! It gives you more of a chance to think than a phone call...

I say "go for it"

Its an amazing opportunity and just meeting him doesn't men that you have to continue the relationship. I met my father after many years of not seeing him (many years ago) and while my brother was interested and wanted to talk, I was disgusted by what he had to say and left. The wonderful thing is that you are now an adult and you can decide if your grandfather should be in your life or not!:D

Do it. I wouldn't want to say no and then wonder for the rest of my life if I should have said yes.:)

Go for it. :)

I don't think you have to call him anything. Just reply with "Hi" or "Hello". :)

I would do it in a second. Family is precious....

maybe it wouldn't be so akward if you didn't start out just talking about your dad, maybe if you guys just caught up on things first, then later once you've gotten to know each other again then you'll feel more comfortable talking about it with him

I think losing a child, no matter at what age, forever changes a parent. Perhaps his grief was so strong that he wasn't at his very best then, and for a long time after, but, is now ready to make peace with his son's passing. At the very minimum, you could 'allow' him to make peace with any possible issue that surrounds your dad's past. If it develops from there, that will just be a double blessing.

Maybe you could just email each other for a while until you got more comfortable with each other.
I've made some wonderful friends through email.