I wish I was a network administrator
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA,
> to her boss, who supposedly resigned very soon afterwards!
> -
> Dear Mr. Baker,
> -
> As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
> basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have
> an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel.
> -
> After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and
> myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you
> are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
> -
> Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
> everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
> only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
> because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently
> hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
> vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
> hundredth time.
> -
> You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
> binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
> why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
> though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an
> IP is.
> -
> Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
> around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.
> You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked
> for
> your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn
> it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your
> glaring ineptitude.
> -
> In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that
> everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of
> the Dilbert principle.
> -
> Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a
> full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation,
> however I have a few parting thoughts.
> -
> 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for
> you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is
> "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over
> the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would
> be unable to do it on your own.
> -
> 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
> every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to
> get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I
> conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
> believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by
> the administration.
> -
> 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
> Mother' s birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to
> take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
> them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have
> never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that
> those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of
> a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I
> hate having to correct your mistakes.)
> -
> Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
> my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
> your
> little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
> -
> Never screw with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know
> what you do with all that free time!
> -
> Wishing you a grand and glorious day.
>
> Cecelia
>
>
