Doctors Quotes

Subject: Doctors Quotes

A man comes into the ER and yells,"My
wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to
the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs, and I was in the
wrong one.

--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. Big breaths," I
instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news
when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to
the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

I was performing a complete physical,
including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the
chart and began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand." He read the
20/20
line perfectly. Now your
left." Again, a flawless read. Now both,"
I requested. There was
silence. He couldn't even read the large E
on the top line. I turned
and discovered that he had done exactly
what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I
was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-u appointment with hiscardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor , that he washaving
trouble with one of hismedications. "Which one?"
I asked. "Thepatch", he answered. "The nurse
told me to put on a new one every six
> hour and now I'm running out of
places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what Ihoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of
> the old patch before applying new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk
While acquainting myself with a newelderly
patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bed-ridden?" After a
l minute of complete confusion she
answered ... Why, not for about twenty
years -when my husband wa alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" It's very good,
except for the Kentucky
Jelly.I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
patient rep lied. I then asked to see the jelly and
the woman produced a foil packet labeled
"KY Jelly.
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

And Finally . .A new, young MD
> doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a
habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he wa performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was
I tickling you?" replied,
"No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was 'I wish I was an Osc Meyer Wiener'."-
won't admit his name

LOL:D Those are funny, I loved them all:D

Cute stories.:)

Thanks for the morning laugh.:D

Oh no! Don't do that! I'm laughing out loud and they are asking me "Are you all right?" How do I answer - yes? or no? I'm not sure.

Thanks for the laugh!

*Whistling the Oscar Meyer Wiener song*

Those are the funniest jokes I have ever read! I'm still laughing!:D

teehee--Oscar Meyer Wiener lmao lol:D :D haha

lol!!

Kentucky jelly!!!! rofl!!!!!!!!


Thanks for the laugh today!!:D

lol,

Those are the ones that CAN be told......

Thank you, Richard for posting. I think this is the first time you ever posted in a thread I have started, that means a lot to me.

I would like to hear the ones that can't be told....LOL!;)

In the O.R. we have a huge bulletin board with the
"Cat in the Hat" prominently featured at the center.....


The topic.....


Preventing Surgical Fires.:eek:


Smokey the Bear, maybe....

The C I T H?????:eek:

Oh my god how funny! The Cat in the hat? Smokey the bear!:D

OMG, those were sooooooo funny. My hubby came into the room and asked what the Sam H I was laughing at. He read them and got a hoot out of them also.

Thanks for the laugh and for making my night.:D

LMAO! I'm laughing so hard right now.