What i saw the day of the funeral.. in GA

Okay i know this happened more than a while ago but i realized i never posted to you guys nor expressed my feelings about what happened the day of the veiwing.. When i saw my aunt (with skin cancer) for the last time.. I dont care if anyone doesnt reply back i just need to get this guilt and sadness of my chest.. and i think if i get it off i will feel alot better about it..

If was cold and muggy inside of the funeral home, everyone was sitting or standing near the casket (sp). I knew i couldnt get up the bravery to go yet, not alone. Everyone was sounding happy as if nothing happened and it was just some bar b q or something.. I was expecting my aunt to come around the corner and ask if i needed anything, but as long as i waited i knew she wouldnt come.. My parents were crying.. So was my aunt donna.. She was bad.. So was my dad. I mean they grew up with her.. She is only my great aunt but i loved her just the same.. I felt cold in the funeral home.. It smelled of flowers and something damp.. I didnt think i could take it anymore inside there.. Didn't anyone know that as my aunt lay helplessly in her casket everyone is just laughing and talking enjoying the day? As i walked out to the patio i spotted my grandma.. My aunt's sister, my dad's mom.. i walked over and sat on the rocking chair and she just sat there.. I did the same.. Why her? why did she go? We went back inside and she asked me if i wanted to say hi to aunt linda.. I said okay and she took me over to the casket.. There she lay..So motionless.. So lifeless.. Saddness began to fill over me and i couldnt stand there anymore.. I took one last look at her.. I saw her neck wasnt moving as it normally would.. She looked so skinny as normal and she had a wig on.. The thing i noticed most was her hands.. They were one on top of the other, just there.. Her casket was beautiful.. It was pink bedding with purple and blue lights shining down.. I am really gonna miss her.. She had her thin necklace on with a cross.. She is really happy now.. She doesnt have to struggle to live.. I tried to hole in my tears for as long as possible but i got teary eyed.. I didnt want anyone to see.. so i tried to stop as soon as possible.. My grandpa wanted a drink and we had some in the car from the trip so me and my dad went to go get one.. it was real hard on him i could tell.. I asked him if he was gonna say bye to aunt linda and he said he couldn't, he said he would rather look at her smiling and happy the motionless and just looking unhappy. He said aunt linda knew how he feeled about that stuff and she knew he remembered her how he wanted.. The next day was the real funeral.. We were back at the cold damp and muggy place again.. Flowers on each side of the room.. Cluttered.. i see her now moved to a different place.. More visable for me to see when i sit.. so i moved.. And then they stuffed us into this little room. Where the closed the casket.. All i could hear were sobs.. And people taking tissues from the little boxes.. I swear they had like 20 tissues.. And then i noticed my sister, aunt and unlce all over by the casket.. They knew they would never see her face again.. And thats when the funeral began.. The funeral home was packed.. She was a special lady.. All the songs they played werent helping the matter at all.. i just gave up from being the strong one and broke down.. No one noticed but i did.. I just wish she was still here, being happy and smiling like she used to.. Sorry to bore you but im feeling so much better... I miss you aunt linda..

I'm so sorry. :( It sounds like your aunt was a wonderful person, and you miss her dearly. Just remember the good times you had together, and that she is watching over you. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love....you can't help but break down and be depressed. But, don't worry, it'll get better. If you ever need to talk, you know im always here.

I lost my father 4 years ago, that was the hardest thing for me to ever deal with. My father was my best friend, but with his funeral we didn't have a 'normal' one it was everyone who wanted to be there and get up in front of every and share their stories of my dad with everyone. I wanted to get up and say something but I didn't have the strenth to do it. I wrote him a poem 3 days after he died and someone read it at the funeral, which I started to cry once some one started reading it. Everything in the poem was honest, true, and I never knew how much he ment to me until I lost him. It has been 4 years now and I am still having alot of problems trying to deal with it or handle it. Also while I was in school, (I was 17 when he died) I ended up dropping out due to the other students making fun of me for having alot of emotional problems. My mom's new boyfriend (very nice guy) told her that I don't show any emotions anymore, that I have no feelings for things. Which I think is very untrue. I still cry at least once a month I still get angry and happy and many other emotions that people have. But he has never seen me mad or sad or depresed or anything else he has always seen me willing to joke around with my mom.

Things will get better for you. If you ever want to talk I am also here for you.

Katie

Keep your head up and don't let others bother you.

I lost my Grandpa last year and it's still hard to talk about. Whenever I stop by to see my Grandma I expect to see my Grandpa at the door. :(

I'm very sorry for your loss. :(

CamCamPup,

I don't think that the people at the funeral home were being disrespectful towards your Aunt Linda. Alot of people laugh and smile during a funeral. Sometimes it's their way of coping. They could be actually celebrating her life, reminiscing the good times. Everyone is different in the way they cope with death.

I lost my Dad 6 years ago today. He was found dead in his apartment. I found out about it when a police officer knocked on my door. I will never EVER forget that day. It was a hot day in August and his neighbors were concerned because his newspapers were stacking up outside his door. He was very good about bringing them in everyday. I was his sole caretaker for 2 1/2 years. It was the one weekend that I took a respite from bathing, feeding and hanging out with him. He said he'd be fine and would see me on Monday.

When I walked into his apartment, the smell of death hit me and is something that will ALWAYS stay with me. He died with the telephone in his hand, as if he was trying to call me. I'll never know.

It's been 6 years and it still is very painful to talk about it. I never got to say goodbye to him or that I loved him with all my heart. I've been working on a story about it and it's still not finished yet, even after 6 years.

Believe me, I feel your pain. But it's good to cry, rant, do whatever it takes that makes YOU feel better. Grief takes time. It may come in 6 months, it may not come for years. I'm still grieving. And that's okay too.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your aunt sounded like a very special lady.

MoosMom, I am very sorry for you lose as well.

I remeber getting back from a weekend vacation and hearing my brother on hubby's answering machine (at the time we were only dating) and we had to quickly run over to my moms house and go to the hospital, that is where we were told.

Griving is very hard. My problem is when people tell my and my mom and my brother that we need to get over it and grow up and know that he is never coming back. If I had a dime for every person who told me that I would be rich! Those are the people you need to look out for.

Katie

I am very sorry for the tragic loss of your Aunt Linda, you are at a very young age to have to experience such sadness.

I can well understand how you feel about people smiling and laughing, I have only been to about 4 funerals in my life, and I felt and still do the same as you, it kinda bothers me somewhat.

I guess it is just what happens at funerals, and no disrespect was mean't to your aunt.
Think of it this way sweetie, as a celebration of her life, and then it might not be so hard to bear.

I think also you should let Tikeyas_mom see this, as she thinks it is fine to tan in sunbeds etc, as you mentioned the skin cancer that took your beloved Auntie from you.

This is an unbearable situation for you to bear, and my heart goes out to you, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

GIANT HUGS TO YOU AND MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES TO YOUR FAMILY.

thanks everyone.. Yeah when ever i get the slightest sunburn on my face or nose or something my mom freaks!! :o

cubby31682

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when people tell me and my mom and my brother that we need to get over it and grow up and know that he is never coming back. If I had a dime for every person who told me that I would be rich!

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You and me both!!! Grieving is a process, not something you get over like the flu. Sometimes you get through it quickly, sometimes it takes years. Like I said in my other post, it's OKAY!! You need to take as long as it is comfortable for you. Screw everyone else.

It's stupid people that say stuff like that. Don't worry. It'll happen to them someday and they'll know what it feels like.