A new exercise program - just in time for summer!
You've seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing
results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there's
no need to invest in fancy equipment.
If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything
you need to get in shape now. The following exercises
can be done anywhere, anytime.
Inner Thighs:
Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs.
Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt
bare legged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will
just dig the toy out. You could be damaged.
Upper Body Strength:
Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the
flower bed.
Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise
is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the
car and so on.
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1:
Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If
they're too small for him, they're certainly too small
for you. Do it anyway!
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2:
Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the
full length of the room, sails through the air, and
slams both front paws into the back of your knees.
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with
multiple dogs)
Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before
it stops ringing.
Balance and Coordination, Exercise 4: (alternate) For
older dogs, attempt to cross a room without tripping
over the dog. Get off your couch without crushing any
part of a sleeping elderly dog.
Upper Arms:
Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the
Frisbee.
Repeat until nauseous.
Upper Arms: (alternate)
Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock.
Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog
gives up (we all know which comes first).
Hand Coordination:
Remove foreign object from dog's locked jaw. This
exercise is especially popular with puppy owners.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed
exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think
concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which
only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches.
Calves:
After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang
a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while
you tug back.
WARNING:
This is feasible only for those with strong bones and
small dogs. Have you taken your calcium supplement
today?
Calves: (alternate)
Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty.
Dogs of any size can be used for this exercise.
Greyhounds are inadvisable.
Neck Muscles:
Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for
your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong
fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble
to "kiss" you when you least expect it.
