Update on the Lilli Adoption Situation

Well, Andrew and I went to the shelter yesterday and had decided to give Lilli a bath there, play with her, and walk her before we took her home. You know, to get a feel of how well she is trained or not, how she walks, and how to handle her. She was very sweet and had wonderful temperment when I saw her the day before. But I had to learn more about her.

Ok, so the bath part didn't go too well. She sat really well while I lathered her up, but tthen all of a sudden, she just didn't want to cooperate. It took Andrew and another guy to keep her still for me to finish rinsing her. I told myself not to get too upset because she may not like baths to much.

I took her leash, and tried to take her outside. She was so strong she literally drug me down the hall and around the corner. I told myself not to get upset because she may have been excited about leaving the grooming room.

When we were outside, she still drug me all over the place. My arms and shoulders hurt because she was so strong and I didn't have the physical power to handle her. Then she decided to jump up and give me a great big hug. Only problem is she weighs 100 lbs. and I am close to 120 lbs. She knocked the wind out of me and I must have flown back aout 6 feet.

I had to give her to Andrew for a bit while I gathered myself. I started to think of the situation. She is too strong for me. If I had her as a puppy, I could have trained her better and been able to handle her more effeciently. Right now, she was handling me. Andrew, who is a buff stud, had a hard time handling her. I told my slef: If I take her home, I will not be able to walk her or play with her. I do not want to take her home and keep her tied up. That is not the kind of life she deserves. But, Souraya, she is your dream breed, and she is so pretty. What are you going to do? It broke my heart, but I decided not to take her. I could not handle her and didn't have the physical strenght to train her. I started thinking: What if she jumps on someone and hurts them, what if I am trying to walk her and she pulls me so hard. She could put us both in danger.

I take Drake almost everywhere I go. I wanted Lilli to be able to come along. But I knew I couldn't. It wouldn't be right for me to treat her different from Drake, but I am not strong enough to handle her like I do Drake. He is a very strong dog, but we have been through training and he has grown up by my side and know how much his mommy can handle. I know for a fact that he pulls harder on Andrew, but he figures Daddy is bigger than mommy is, so he can take it!

I am still very upset. I left the shelter in tears and was still crying when I went to bed at 10:00. I wanted her so bad, but I had to make a decision that would be in Lilli's best interest. She deserves someone who will be strong enough to take her out and play with her and walk her without putting themselve, Lilli, or anyone else in danger.

Please tell me what you think. Did I do the right thing?

[ September 07, 2001: Message edited by: Souraya ]

Hi Souraya,
I don't think any of us can tell you if you did the right thing or not. Only you know the situation and what you are able to handle. From everything you posted, I would say though that it seems you considered all the possibilities of what bringing Lilli into your household would pose.

I feel for the anguish you are feeling because I have the spirit of wanting to rescue the world too. My husband is usually the one who lets me know my limitations. Try not to be to hard on yourself. You did what you believed was best for all concerned. ;)

Oh Souraya, from my point of view you did the right thing. Of course we want all the dogs to be rescued, but if you couldn't handle her it would not work out. Not fair to you, not fair to Lilli and not fair to Drake. What if you got her home and on top of all that she didn't get along with Drake.
I know exactly how you feel, we were going to adopt a little Schnauzer from a girl who was going to have a baby (afraid the dog would hurt her child) They brought her down to us from Los Angeles and I fell in love with her. She was so cute and wanted to play with our dogs. During the afternoon Perry attacked her three times. In the process Don got bit on the hand. We even kept her that night, but Perry kept it up and we decided to return her for her safety and Don drove up to Los Angeles the next day with her. It turned out o.k. she was given to her groomer who loved her so much, a happy ending, but I cried all night. Sometimes these things don't work out the way we want them to, but we must think what is best for everybody.
Jackie

I'm sorry about your Lilli. And I'm sorry for you. You have to believe that with the proper training, she could become a very manageable dog, but getting there is the problem. Isn't it sad that owners don't take the time to do these things? I'm sure its why she is an owner turn in to begin with. Perhaps there is an "Aly-like" angel out there who will work with her in the shelter to make her a better citizen so she can find a perfect home.

Chin up, Souraya, you tried, and making the decision now is so much better than having her come home with you and then taking her back. She'll find the right guardian angel, I'm sure of it! :) In the meantime, you concentrate on Drake and his training. Your confidence will improve and you'll be ready for another Lilli in no time.

Logan

Everyone, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.

Logan, I know that with the proper training Lilli can become more managable. But as you, the problem is getting there. I work full time, am going to graduate school at night, training with Drake, and coach rowing to children at a battered women and children shelter 3 afternoons a week. In addition to all that, I am an active volunteer with a few charities. I do not know if I can squeeze training with Lilli.

I cried all night and tried to see what I could do to free up sometime and energy to bring Lilli home and train her. But I came up empty handed everytime I tried to rearrange my busy schedule.

For now, I can only go to the shelter and play with the dogs, give them as much love and attention as I can, and try and find them good homes.

You know in your heart that sometimes the most difficult decisions are still the correct ones. Hopefully Lili will be adopted by someone who has the strength and time to train her to be the well-behaved beauty she has the potential to be. Maybe even by the simple kindnesses you have shown her, some person will come and fall in love with the nice, clean dog she now is.

Souraya - You know best what you can and can't handle. You made a selfless, smart decision, one that too many people choose to ignore. I will pray that Lilli finds a wonderful, loving home and that you will come across a second dog that will fit into your life. They always seem to pop up when you least expect it :) Keep your head up, you made a decision that was best for you and for Lilli, so that was the right thing to do.

Souraya, I'm so sorry to hear that you connot adopt Lilli. :( If that happened to me, I would've made the same choice as you did. She would've been a great dog for you, but just too difficult to handle. I'm sorry. :( :(

Lots of love,
LabLover & Sadie :)

Oh that must have been such a difficukt day for you Souraya! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I also beleive that you did the right thing, and that Lilli will find someone else who can handle such strength. Don't feel bad; you tried, and that's more than a lot of people can say.

Souraya,
I wanted to make sure you knew that I didn't mean for message to sound like you should have tackled this training issue. No way! She needs someone perhaps who is retired, or works at home, who can devote lots and lots of hours to her training. Please tell me that I didn't offend you....I certainly didn't mean to if I did. I think you made a perfectly wise decision based on your situation, although I know it was hard.

I just wanted to make sure you knew that I didn't mean anything bad by my comments.... :rolleyes:

Souraya, Lilli should be adopted by someone who can spend a lot of time with her and give her undivided attention. She was just not a good match for you. She will be a good match for someone, I'm sure. It's good that you could see that before you took her home and tried to make her fit into your family. It would have hurt so much if you had to return her!!! The right dog will come along and be a perfect fit! Hang in there!!!!

Of course it is just an opinion, but I too think you made the right decision. An adoption that didn't work out would not be in the best interest of Lilli, Drake or you. We all have to face the limitations of time, money, strength, as well as the dynamics of relationships between animals. When I was younger, I took on more than I could handle at a time I was not in the best of health. I look back at that time with regret. Better judgement and decisions could and should have been made. I commend you for taking the time to think this through and not act on impulse. Believe me, I know how hard that can be.

Logan, you did not offend me at all. I appreciate everyone's kind words and advice. Thank you for caring so much.

I think the Lilli situation made me see alot of things a bit clearer. It hit me that I can not save the world (so to speak). So, that made it even harder on me. If that makes any sense at all.