Rescue voice mail options
Kind of funny, but well, it's sad that things like that actually happen. All the time I bet. This was to a Siberian Husky board, so you'll see that, but "siberian" could be substituted for any dog.
Subject: Rescue voice mail options
You have reached 123-4567, Rene, Clint and Helping Dogs. Due to the high
volume
of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following
options
and choose the one that best describes your situation:
Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice.
Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save money
and
have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.
Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the
"stray" in your yard (house).
Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old Siberian and your 15-year-old son has
suddenly become allergic and you need to find the Britt a new home right
away.
Press 5 if you have three Siberians, had a baby and want to get rid of
your
Sibes because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and
Siberians
at the same time.
Press 6 if you have three Siberians, had a baby and want to place the
baby.
Press 7 if you have a dying Siberian and you want to place it into
another
home
so you can save the medical costs and not go through the trauma of
watching
it
die.
Press 8 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old Siberian is
having
problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.
Press 9 if your Siberian puppy has grown up and is no longer small and
cute
and
you want to trade it in for a new model.
Press 10 if you are elderly and want to adopt a Siberian puppy who is
not
active and is going to outlive you.
Press 11 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for their
elderly
Siberian because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.
Press 12 if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 80
pound,
8-year-old Siberian.
Press 13 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home today and
pick
up
the Siberian you no longer want.
Press 14 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last
year,
are moving and suddenly determine it's not your Siberian.
Press 15 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up
before I
have
to go to work so you can drop a Siberian off on your way to work.
Press 16 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you
have
left a Siberian in our yard on the hottest day of the year, which is in
fact,
better than just leaving the Sibe with no message.
Press 17 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take
your
Siberian that you have had for fifteen years, because it is not our
responsibility.
Press 18 if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old
Siberian to
be
euthanized because I won't take it.
Press 19 if you're going to get angry because the volunteers had the
audacity
to go on vacation and leave the Sibes in care of a trustedvolunteer who
is
not
authorized to take your personal pet.
Press 20 if you want one of our perfectly trained, housebroken, kid and
cat
friendly purebred Siberians that we have an abundance of.
Press 21 if you want us to take your Siberian that has a slight
aggression
problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbor's
cats.
Press 22 if you have already called once and been told we don't take
personal
surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a
different answer.
Press 23 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to board
your
personal Siberian while you are on varcation, free of charge, of course.
Press 24 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to
deliver
an
eight week old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your kids wake up.
Press 25 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby
bunny
for
Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.
Press 26 if you want us to take your female Siberian who has already had
five
litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and it is
against
your religion.
Press 27 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad
and
take your personal pet off your hands.
Press 28 if your cat is biting and not using the litterbox because it is
declawed, but are not willing to accept the responsibility that the
cat's
behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.
Press 29 if your two year old male Siberian is marking all over your
house
but
you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.
Press 30 if you previously had an outdoor only Siberian and are calling
because
she is suddenly pregnant.
Press 31 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your Sibe and have
had
no
success but you don't want to crate the dog because it is cruel.
Press 32 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening phone
number
and you left your work number when all volunteers are also working and
you
are
angry because no one called you back.
Press 33 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because today
is
your
daughter's birthday and you forgot when she was born
Press 34 if your Siberian doesn't match your new furniture and you need
a
different color or breed.
And finally, press 35 if your new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't like
your
Siberian and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will
dump
you
in the next month anyway) instead of the Siberian.
For those of you laughing or shaking your heads in disbelief, please be
assured
ALL of these calls have happened, except for No. 6.
