Cat Haiku, the perfect distillation of catness

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit, hairball somewhere
Will find in morning.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

I want to be close to you.
Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams
My claws are not that sharp.

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

And the rebuttal ..... Dog Haiku .... ;)

Cat is not all bad
She leaves tootsie rolls in the
Litter box for me

My owner is home
I am so ecstatic that
I have made a puddle

I wear the collar
Look world! Oh, they strangle me!
Hack, hack, hack, hack, hack.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

I sound the alarm!
Mailman fiend - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy come to kill all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
this long-rotten squirrel.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much as I do.

They are romantic
I lie calmly at their feet
I fart a big one

Every single one of those is WONDERFUL!

The very last one made me laugh out loud! For reasons I won't explain here, I had a female kitten in my house. Rascal followed her around as though his nose was glued to her butt! Then he would stop and sit down with this funny expression on his face and his mouth open. Yes, Rascal that IS a female!

They are romantic
I lie calmly at their feet
I fart a big one



HAHHAHAHAHHAHH!!!!!!!!!! :D

Quote:

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You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

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LMAO!! Those are too funny and oh so true...especially the cat ones in my case. Here's my lame attempt:

Alarm going off
Must yowl and headbut the door
What's a snooze button?