Could someone do me a HUGE favor?

Please read over my college application essay and tell me if you think it is good enough or not! I'm also getting my english teacher to read it over, but I want more then one pair of eyes looking over my essay, yano? :p I'm applying at Delaware Valley College and I plan on majoring in equine science. I'm really nervous about this because this is my first choice college. So if you guys could just read it over and give me feedback? Thanks so much! :D

Please tell us about your career plans and how your intended major at DVC will help you achieve them.

When you were a child, did you ever imagine what it would be like to have your dream job? I have. Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to work with horses. When I was six years old, my father took me horseback riding for the first time while we were on vacation up the Pocono Mountains. Then, I instantly fell in love with horses and realized I wanted to grow up to work with them. Now, eleven years later, I still have the same dream. I currently volunteer at Pegasus Riding Academy, which is a therapeutic horseback riding program for people with physical and mental disabilities. Even though I love my job now, I want to do more. I want to major in equine science and management to become an equine veterinarian. I think Delaware Valley College will help me accomplish this because of the hands-on experience and the small class sizes.
Last Sunday, I attended the open house at Delaware Valley College. One of the most significant things that stood out to me was how much I will get to work with the animals. In other schools, you have to wait until junior year to even touch an animal, but at DVC you get to do this as a freshman. This early hands-on teaching will be excellent for me. Not only will it help me receive a better education, but it will benefit me in my future. I will know how to handle the horses and all the other requirements needed for a equine veterinarian. I will also get many years of practice, which will make me proactive in my career.
Another aspect of Delaware Valley College that I like is the small class size and the small student body. I am the kind of person who is very uncomfortable in large groups of people. Being in a small class, I will keep a better focus and participate more. Also, I will be able to build a good relationship with my professor. Doing this, I will be comfortable with asking any questions I have during or after class. Coming from a small high school, I believe the transition to a small college won’t be as a frightening experience as if I went to a larger college.
Becoming an equine veterinarian has been my goal for almost my whole life. I have always loved horses, so getting the chance to work with them everyday and help them live a longer and happier life is very important to me. Because of the hands-on experiences and the small class sizes, I believe Delaware Valley College help me accomplish my goal and carry me far in my future.

I'm not very good at content, but I am pretty good at errors. I only found two...I think. I have noted them below in red.
There may be other grammar errors that I missed, but this was all I found. Other than that it seems pretty good to me. But I'm not very good at writing essays....only editing them. :) I'm sure others who have more experience can give some input.


When you were a child, did you ever imagine what it would be like to have your dream job? I have. Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to work with horses. When I was six years old, my father took me horseback riding for the first time while we were on vacation up the Pocono Mountains. Then, I instantly fell in love with horses and realized I wanted to grow up to work with them. Now, eleven years later, I still have the same dream. I currently volunteer at Pegasus Riding Academy, which is a therapeutic horseback riding program for people with physical and mental disabilities. Even though I love my job now, I want to do more. I want to major in equine science and management to become an equine veterinarian. I think Delaware Valley College will help me accomplish this because of the hands-on experience and the small class sizes.
Last Sunday, I attended the open house at Delaware Valley College. One of the most significant things that stood out to me was how much I will get to work with the animals. In other schools, you have to wait until junior year to even touch an animal, but at DVC you get to do this as a freshman. This early hands-on teaching will be excellent for me. Not only will it help me receive a better education, but it will benefit me in my future. I will know how to handle the animals and all the other requirements needed for an equine veterinarian. I will also get many years of practice, which will make me proactive in my career.
Another aspect of Delaware Valley College that I like is the small class size and the small student body. I am the kind of person who is very uncomfortable in large groups of people. Being in a small class, I will keep a better focus and participate more. Also, I will be able to build a good relationship with my professor. Doing this, I will be comfortable with asking any questions I have during or after class. Coming from a small high school, I believe the transition to a small college won’t be as a frightening experience as if I went to a larger college.
Becoming an equine veterinarian has been my goal for almost my whole life. I have always loved horses, so getting the chance to work with them everyday and help them live a longer and happier life is very important to me. Because of the hands-on experiences and the small class sizes, I believe Delaware Valley College will help me accomplish my goal and carry me far in my future.

:) I read it all thru && thought it was very good.. You may state that also you want the Horse to Live A Healthier && Happier **Quality of Life** .. The Quality of Life means a great deal to Vets Stats..

Great Job && I wish for you the best.. Good Luck

I have added and/or rearranged a few things. I think overall it is good. I don't know if your essay has to be in a range of '1-4 pages' for example or '1000 words'. I find it is good to let yourself go. Really express the passion you have from your 'calling'. Make them feel it. Good luck, I hope you do well & get excepted to DVC.

Oh BTW...the changes/ corrections etc are in red. As if you couldn't figure that out on your own. hehehehe I'm a genius sometimes. :o



When you were a child, did you ever imagine what it would be like to have your dream job? I have. Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to work with horses. When I was six years old, my father took me horseback riding for the first time while we were vacationing in the Pocono Mountains. Then & there, I instantly fell in love with horses and realized I wanted to work with them when I grew up. Now, eleven years later, I still have the same dream. I currently volunteer at Pegasus Riding Academy, which is a therapeutic horseback riding program for people with physical and mental disabilities. Even though I love my job now, I want to do more. I want to major in equine science and management to become an equine veterinarian. I think Delaware Valley College will help me accomplish this because of the hands-on experience offered and the small class sizes.
Last Sunday, I attended the open house at Delaware Valley College. One of the most significant things that stood out to me was how much I will get to work with the animals. In other schools, you have to wait until junior year to even touch an animal, but at DVC you get to do this as a freshman. This early hands-on teaching will be excellent for me. Not only will it help me receive a better education, but it will benefit me in my future. I will know how to handle the horses and all the other requirements needed for an equine veterinarian. I will also get many years of practice, which will make me proactive in my career.
Another aspect of Delaware Valley College that I like is the small class size and the small student body. I am the kind of person who is very uncomfortable in large groups of people. (I am the type of person who excels in an intimate setting, small classes, which means more one on one time. This is a very attractive aspect to me personally.) Being in a small class, I can & will keep better focus and actively participate more. Also, I will be able to build a good educator/student relationship with my professor. Doing this, I will be comfortable with asking any questions I have during or after class. Coming from a small high school, I believe the transition to a small college will be most agreeable & won’t be as frightening an experience as if I went to a larger college.
Becoming an equine veterinarian has been my goal for almost my entire life. I have always loved horses, so getting the chance to work with them everyday and help them live a longer, happier & better quality of life is very important to me. Because of the hands-on experiences and the small class sizes, I believe Delaware Valley College will help me achieve my dream & accomplish my goal and carry me far in my future.
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Thank you so much guys for all the tips and reading it over! It means a lot, thanks again! :)

Where kittycat'sdelight has used an ampersand, you, of course, should spell out the word "and!"

We once had a Pet Talk Gathering at DVC in PA! ;)

This brings back memories and sounds a lot like my college application essay :). You're going to be majoring in the same thing that I am majoring in (I'm an Animal Science major at the University of Tennessee), except yours is more concentrated.

I really liked your essay and I think kittycatsdelights changes perfected it :).

Good luck! Being an Animal Science major is AMAZING, but it's a lot of work too!

Thanks everyone!

I was actually looking into University of Tennesse for a bit, until I looked up the distance from Philadelphia. :p

I am no good at critique, but I attended DVC and loved it! I too came from a VERY small high school, and I felt totally "at home" as soon as I stepped onto the campus for my first visit.

I hope you get in, I really do. :)

(IMO, the essay is good, and the additions made by the others makes is just all the better)

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Originally Posted by jenluckenbach

I am no good at critique, but I attended DVC and loved it! I too came from a VERY small high school, and I felt totally "at home" as soon as I stepped onto the campus for my first visit.

I hope you get in, I really do. :)

(IMO, the essay is good, and the additions made by the others makes is just all the better)

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Oh really?! That's so neat! :D And thank you! What did you major in?

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Originally Posted by sallyandsnowx

What did you major in?

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Animal Husbandry.

I was there BEFORE the horses. I worked with the beef cattle, sheep, pigs and the lab animals.

Your essay sounds real good. The "quality of life" addition is sound advice, it counts big time with teachers and vets alike. I also like the changes that were made if you feel you want to insert them.
Good luck - I hope your dreams will come true.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sallyandsnowx

Thanks everyone!

I was actually looking into University of Tennesse for a bit, until I looked up the distance from Philadelphia. :p

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That is pretty far away, haha. But it's a great school. I love it here :).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jenluckenbach

Animal Husbandry.

I was there BEFORE the horses. I worked with the beef cattle, sheep, pigs and the lab animals.

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Oh, nice! :D

I just sent in my application and the essay so hopefully I'll find out if I'm accepted within the next couple weeks. :D