School Report - Sweety Claws.

School Report - Sweety Claws.

Math - Seems confused by the number two. There is only one bowl she interested in eating from - Big Boy’s.

Geography - Again, her interest in different places is restricted to wherever Big Boy is, or the warm spot where he was last. No matter how fast he is, if Big Boy nips outside for a quick call of nature, Sweety Claws will be in his spot by the time he gets back.

History - Long term, short term, whatever kind of memory she is supposed to have has failed her completely. Even the simplest of instructions has to be repeated ad infinitum, and even then, success cannot be guaranteed.

Sight, Smell, Hearing - Now, here she shines. Her senses are so acute, she can be well on the way to the kitchen before the person getting off the chair even knows they are going there.
(Taste - All parties agreed that she just didn’t have the time.)

Charm School - With her natural advantages, she has a future career here. Jack The Ripper could walk through the door, and within five minutes, Sweety Claws would be asleep on his lap.

Language - I am gratified that she spends so much time practising her submissive noise, but she needs to learn that it is forbidden to use this flag of truce just to get into a better attacking position on somebody’s tail, as soon as somebody’s head is turned.

Sports - She excels in gymnastics and acrobatics, and has put a great deal of effort into sharpening her hunting skills, even to the point of attacking things no one else can see. Unfortunately, two of her best skills, the aggressive charge and the lightning retreat, are used mainly to provoke Big Boy into pointless pursuit.

Home Room Teacher’s Comments - This has been an interesting year, to put it mildly. sweety Claws has shown a great deal of determination in keeping education out.
Before she is ready to take her place amongst the ranks of grown-up cats, she is going to need some help.
Vocal training is a must to begin with. Her meow still achieves the decibel level of a flatulent mosquito.
I further recommend that you take her off whatever she is on.


Signed, Big Boy.




Scorpio’s Comments - Perhaps Big Boy is being a little unfair here. Certain cats have reported a lack of balance in my telling of this story, and one in particular feels that I have maligned her reputation. I have therefore agreed to allow Sweety Claws to write the next chapter.

Big Boy- don't you think you are a little hard as a teacher?
But I see that you are at least receptive to Sweety Claws' charm- after all your are not Jack the Ripper;)
Now I can't wait to hear the next chapter:cool:

After reading this, Fister says he's so relieved that he has no little sister here. :cool:

Big Boy, I can tell what a hard time you're going though - oh dear! Not even your food bowl can you have to yourself. It's outrageous! And it's just not fair that Sweety Claws steals your spot on the sofa - now that you spent such a long time warming it up! She definately needs some education! On the bright side, she does help keep you fit, doesn't she. :)

I can think of one advice you can give your dad... get her nails clipped! :D

Your friend,
Fister


PS. We expect we'll get a better school report next time. ;)

Scorpio, I'm loving this saga! Does Big Boy have a column in the Independent (just what I thought would naturally be the name of a cat newspaper)?

Love, Columbine

Thats so funny, and I have the feeling that Big Boy will one day warm up to Sweety Claws.:):):)
The Male Found Cats would miss the Lady Found Cats , and they are all Friends curled up together.:love::love::love:

*bump* - it would be a pity if this thread got lost due to the weekend low we usually have at PT ;)

Dear Big Boy,

From the rumours I hear, I assume that things will improve within a week. Keep an eye out for a box with a lid on, that is the day you can clap your paws and smile. :D I am talking about Sweety Claws' upcoming visit to the White Coats. Perhaps they will give her a manicure, too - and then you will have one thing less to worry about. ;)