How to tell if your cat is trying to kill you :-)
Kneading on you: You may think this is a sign of affection but your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weaknesses.
Excessive shoveling of kitty litter: After using the litter box, your cat needlessly kicks litter around, most of it ending up all over the room. This is practice for burying bodies.
Staring contests: If you get caught in a staring contest w/your cat, do not look away. Looking away signals to your cat that you are weak, and an attack is likely to follow.
Bringing you dead animals: This isn't a gift. It's a warning.
Throwing up grass: Through this painful feeding and purging process, cats prepare their minds and bodies for combat.
Hiding in dark places and watching you: Your cat will often hide in order to study you in your natural habitat.
Sleeping on your electronics: Humans have superior technology. Cats know this and will attempt to disrupt all communications to the outside world.
Pawing at your face while you sleep: Cats aren't very good at smothering people but this won't stop them from trying.
Sprinting at light speed out of any room you enter: When your cat does this, it's actually a failed ambush.
