My Sweet Grey

Dear Grey,

Around 6:30pm last Oct 1, I had to let you pass over the Rainbow Bridge. An undetected tumor ruptured your bladder. The doctor was not optimistic about a full recovery with surgery so I made the most painful decision I've ever made in my life - to let you go in peace. I remember holding you and reminiscing about our first days together and holding on tightly as the vet gave you your Rainbow Bridge medication. God, it hurt me so bad.

It still hurts as if it were yesterday, not a whole year. What makes the pain doubly bad is that my decision was clouded also by my inability to afford the costly surgery and aftercare as well as wondering what signs I missed. You pooped on the carpet occasionally since I adopted you in 1997. The vet said sometimes cats do that so I ignored this. I saw blood in your stool every once in a blue moon and the vet was not concerned about this either. Perhaps these were signs that I should have taken heed of - the vet said the tumor was not the result of this but I don't know. I made the mistake of taking you to a large practice where we saw a different vet every time - bad news - should have gone to a small practice.

Whatever I did and didn't do that made you sick, I apologize. I am sorry for my ignorance, my gullible faith in the doctor, and my loser's luck in the job market that rendered me unable to afford your surgery.

Grey, I loved you and will love you forever. Words can't describe what happiness, comfort, and companionship you brought to me. I hope I returned the same to you and wish I could have done more.

As you know, I returned to the shelter this past May to give another kitty a home. Poppy was a 10 year old senior citizen who I knew would have a hard time finding a home so I welcomed him into our old abode. After a few days of upper respiratory infection, Poppy soon became acclimated to his new digs and is getting mighty comfortable (Did you tell him to lounge on the dining room table? Smiles.)

Grey, you are with me always and I think of you often. I hope your are at peace and have met my four footed buddies that have crossed the Bridge over the years. Love to you and love to them all.

Yours forever,

Beverly

Beverly, I think Grey is purring down from the green flowery meadows at Rainbow Bridge and looking very happy at Poppy on the table.
I know that these wounds in our hearts take a long long time to heal but you made the right decision.

Grey knows that you did your absolute best for him. There were no wrong decisions made in his behalf. Your love transcends all. Grey and all creatures easily forgive our imperfections and so should you forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes. We humans are so hard on ourselves, especially concerning our beloved furkids because they can't speak and tell us exactly what's bothering them and what would make it all better, so sometimes we look back and get a case of the "should haves". He's at peace now and, even though his memory still tugs at your heart, know that every effort that you made kept him w/you and comfortable for just a little while longer. It's what you both desired, to be together. And you will be together again, as our dear friend Catmandu says, "one fine day".

Grey knows you tried to help him and all you did what out of love for him. He will always be with you....Sleep softly, sweet Grey.....

I am so sorry for your loss and I will say extra prayers to help you during this difficult time. Sweet Grey will play happily at the bridge until you are together again.

Greys Now A Recruit In The Cat Angel Army, And Enjoying As Vegas And Going To The Baseball Playoffs.
And Hes Leaving Snacks On The Table For His Dear Friend Poppy From All The Places They Go, Tonight Its The Luxor Hotel Buffet!
Next Month San Fransico!!! And Hes So Pleased That A Senior Cat Will Have The Great Good Fortune And Recieve That Long Wished For Furrever Home, In Greays Memory.
Thats The Best Tribute That You Can Make For A Beloved Companion, To Help Save A Cat Who Really Needs A Home, And Will Love You Forever.
And We Know That Grey Angels Looking For Just That Right Place Where He And His Family Can Be Reunited.
One Fine Day.

Beverly, first I would like to Welcome you to Pet Talk.
I'm sorry that your first post had to be such a sad one. But please know that we all know what you are going through. It will be 3 years on October the 9th that I had to make the painful decision to put my precious soul kitty Katie to rest and I also went through the "What if's." I'm sure we all have. Trust me, it doesn't help with the healing part and you will learn to get past it just as I did. Just knowing that they are free of pain and are happy and healthy up on the RB, makes it a little easier.

Medusa said what I wanted to say to you, but she put it so much better than what I would have. The love for your precious Grey, just jumps out as I was reading your beloved memorial to him.

Congratulations though on adopting an older cat that otherwise would have spent the rest of his life in a cage. I thank you for that and I'm sure that Grey is very happy with your decision.
Maybe when you feel up to it, you can introduce yourself in Cat General and let us know about your new addition Poppy. I also have a Poppy who is a rescue.

Take care and may your beloved Grey Rest in Peace.