Can White People sing the Blues? I NEED YOUR HELP.

Basically I am doing an objection against white people singing the blues, regarding to authenticity. My thesis is that white people CAN sing the blues, according to the author... but I have to make a objection against my thesis, so.... What do you think George is saying from that statement I have posted below?

Thanks.



My intro is:

According to George Carlin, “What have white people got to be blue about? The Banana Republic ran out of khakis?” His point, if you’re rich, then about what is there to be blue?

Here's some additional criteria that may be useful. I have NO idea who wrote it, but I got it in an email ages ago. ;)

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Please find below the accepted guidelines for a unique American artform.

Sincerely,

Lame Peach Roosevelt
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HOW TO SING THE BLUES

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman", is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ....sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Tucson is just depression, baby. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. Perrier
b. Merlot
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the
electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)

b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)

c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer- you cannot sing the blues.

Wow. Thank you! I have never seen that before, that will be such a great help for my objection against the thesis. Appreciate it. :)

Just realize that some people will find that really really funny - like that quote from George Carlin! I hope you are doing this with a bit of tongue in cheek!

BTW - make sure you give yourself your own Blues name, as described in that "article". ;)

Wild Lemon Carter? :D

Man, I read a funny quote - I think it was from either Jon Stewart or Billy Crystal - about both black and Jewish people having reasons to have the blues - black people set to music what they were feeling. I will try and find it for you. Eric Clapton gave a concert in Chicago last year - he comes to my mind as someone who's white and does blues music very well. I love that George Carlin quote!


"Pop music is aspirin and the blues are vitamins." -- Peter Tork, formerly of the Monkees and now Shoe Suede Blues

Here's the quote. Reader's Digest, September 2007, page 112.

Jon Stewart: "Jews and blacks express our suffering differently -- blacks developed the blues, while Jews complain. We just never thought of putting it to music."