PT's Noah needs some help!

Oh my goodness, I'm so very sorry I haven't updated you all. Thank you, Stace for keeping everyone updated at least to my situation and what I'm living with at "home". (((((Stace))))))

My "home" gets worse every day. I'm finding myself reverting back to when I was a young teen where I'm constantly walking on egg-shells and saying ANYTHING just to make my mom shut-up and stop looking at me, my actions, my words, my everything. My parents - I'm not sure if you all know this - have FULL control over my money. Every cent I make, including my spousal support goes straight to them. If I don't allow this, I wont have a "home". I guess I figure that if I'm not functioning, how will I be any good to my babies, my kitties. Its horrible at home. I seek refuge in books and HATE when the weekend comes around because it means more time spent in their home. Its not always "OK" for me to leave home on the weekend to be with my friends...unless I'm on good terms and have done enough chores or "been well behaved" enough. If I leave without my mom in a good mood and happy that I'm going out to see whomever, I return to a very, very angry mother who reminds me that I live under their roof - their rules. Rules basically mean do whatever will keep my mom happy during her various moods. The hard part is that she is nice 40% of the time...its like a constant roller coaster.

My health? By the Grace of God, I'm still hanging in there. Daily, I feel not so great, but I know what is at stake if I don't push past it and be sure I still get to work and do my job. Especially where I'm at right now, I CANNOT loose this job. There are days when I feel so ill, I don't want to leave my bed or my bathroom. Its a toss up what attitude I'll get when my mom finds out. I've had days where I'm running to and from the bathroom all day, and I'm having to also clean the oven, dust, whatever because they're having a get together that night. Not only can I not hide in my room during said get together, I have to be "on" and happy and helpful. (Stace is dead on!) I have ZERO privacy almost 100% of the time. I've been hiding in the bathroom lately, bringing a book with me and pretending I'm using the bathroom. Isn't that sad??? :(

Luckily, I'm doing everything in the little power I have to keep my health in check, as far as I can at least. I'm eating right, taking all my medications (even though I hate taking all these meds) and am seeing my doctors on time and even seeing a Christian Therapist at my church. She confirmed what I already know - I'm beging emotionally abused at "home". She days I MUST get out of my parents house...and I'm praying God will help me find the perfect spot for me and my four. (#5, Jonah is going to stay at CiCi's house as we both rescued him.)

Reading here that you all are willing to donate MORE $$ to help Noah and I...is utterly amazing to me. I know I've said that before, and I know my PT family are the BEST in the whole wide world (and them some!)...but I guess, I don't know. I'm just overwhelmed I think. I'm not used to this and fully understand the value of hard earned money. Thank you sooooo very much!

Like Staci posted for me, my plan is to move out Feb 1st. I know my parents are going to FREAK OUT, but I don't really care. They treat my brother with so much respect and he left our family for FOUR years and came back without any "reason" for his leaving. My mom accepts him as he is. Me?? Heck no! Lately, I can't seem to do anything right and am being blamed for things out of my control. I used to be able to joke around with my mom when she got all uppity about something or someone. Now, I get yelled at and reminded I live "under our roof". I know my leaving will cause a huge rift between us...but its gone way too far. I'm almost 30-years old and I'm a GOOD, mature, respectful person. I know that and I too am shocked daily at the treatment I recieve from the people that are supposed to HELP me, not HINDER me.

On a happier note. :) My kitties are ALL doing very well. I see them weekly at the very least. That is something I'm "allowed" to do...but they don't always know thats what I'm doing. Yes, I'm very lucky Balcom has kept Noah for me, even though I owe them money. They're very kind that way and I've told them of my situation...maybe that's why? I know they all love Noah...that helps too, I'm certain. I need to call them and tell them about my plans and when I'm taking Noah to our new HOME...FINALLY. :D

OK, I better get some work done. I'll be SURE to at least check back here daily. Even if it means I have to do it at work when no one is looking. That's what I'm doing today, my bosses are out until Monday, so I have more flexibility. When they are here, I don't have this luxury, we aren't allowed to do this. (Nawtee Kelly, ha ha)

Thank you all so very much for your concern, well wishes, positive thoughts, your generosity, help and your love. I'm so so very grateful for you all.

Hugs & Love, :) :)
Kelly, Noah, Basie, Phoebe & Micah

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