Things a dog must remember

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the water out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

:D :D

LOL, I especially like the doorbell one!

You forgot a few:

I will not bark and try to get my friends attention, while daddy is driving. :D :D :D

I will not try to use the excuse "I thought it was a leather chewy" when going through mommies shoes.

LOL....

Funny!!

barking in the car, huh! LOL

I think my roommates dog needs to work on the I will not lick faces after eating poop. Gross!

LOL :D :D :D

Aw, eesh, so hilarious! I LOVED all of em'.. especially the doorbell one.. Believe me, Rosie has barked many times everytime a doorbell was rang on tv!