When the Holidays Hurt....

Hi - wanted to quote these in their original form, so if the word God bothers you, just add another "o". ;)
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"God loves us not because of who we are, but because of who God is." - Philip Yancey

"Grace means there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, and nothing I can do to make God love me less." - Philip Yancey

"When you forgive:

1. You surrender your right to get even.

2. You give your enemy's humanity back.

3. You get the freedom to wish that person well.

4. You are willing to be open to what God wills." - Lewis Smedes

"Forgiveness has supernatural power. It works in the forgiving party. It works in the forgiven party. And in an extraordinary act of linkage, it brings the two together." - Philip Yancey

I heard long ago that the Navajo word for "forgive" means to "untie". :-)

I think a lot of the resistance to forgiveness is a semantic problem - people think it means "excuse," or take personal responsibility for another's wrongdoing, or just put a mask on and keep it on to keep the peace. But those are all popular interpretations of "forgive," and if you suggest "walk away" as an alternative, people just say "no, no, you're wrong." It' s just not the kind of concept that goes well with the way we describe interpersonal relations - nobody prevails in forgiveness, and that's a tough concept to get across in English. And if you're not eager to throw yourself back in the path of the wrongdoer's depredations, and they're well-entrenched in your social circle, you might as well start looking for a new set of friends. (Fortunately, in a situation like that, that's one of the smartest things you can do!)

Love, Columbine

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nobody prevails in forgiveness, and that's a tough concept to get across in English.

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And a tough one to get across in our culture and our humanity - true forgiveness would be much easier if we humans could let go of the need to win, or let go of the fear we will lose.

Accepting something has nothing to do with liking it...I think of it as "this is how it is - how will I react?". The only thing I can possibly change is how I react.

Holidays raise a lot of expectations...IMO, it is fine to hope, but unrealistic expectations result in us writing scripts for us and others to follow - and that invariably leads to, at the very least, disappointment.

It's my mom and me again this year...I would love to have a family Christmas with a home done turkey and all. I offered today to have it at my place...to do the cooking. Mom suggested we go out for dinner and then go to a movie.

*sigh* It's just not the same. But that's the way it is.

Advantage - She and I can ignore the Christmas shopping mania! :-)

Candace,

I believe in forgiveness. I also believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. But if someone has done me wrong, I will forgive, believe me, but I will never forget. It's almost impossible to forget.

I don't believe in revenge. Serves no purpose and only drops you down to their level.

About 13 years ago, I broke my foot at my best friend's apartment, which was owned by her boyfriend's mother. I normally don't believe in lawsuits unless it's for a good reason. At the time I was unemployed and had no medical benefits. I filed a lawsuit against Bobby's mother's homeowners insurance for my medical benefits only, after it was determined that the steps I fell on were not up to code. Bobby (her boyfriend) was livid. It caused a 13 year rift between Pam and I. Then one day out of the clear blue sky, she called me. She was crying and asked me to please forgive her but she had no choice. (she, her daughter and Bobby lied under oath at the depositions that I was drunk at the time, it happened at 10 am and I was sober as a judge).

She married Bobby two years ago (they've been together for 20 years) and he told her I would NOT be welcome in their home. They live apart right now cuz they're looking for a house and need to sell his mother's home and her condo. She flat out told Bobby that she and I were best friends and if I can forgive her and move on, then he should be able to do the same. It'll take time I guess. But, to be honest with you, I don't care. Didn't like him, never did.

Do I trust her? Not anymore. Up until the incident, I trusted her with my life. But, then she gave me every reason not to. Doesn't mean I don't love her.

I can forgive, but I will never forget. Doesn't mean I haven't moved on.

Candace,

Going to dinner and a movie with your Mom sounds great. Like you said at least you can avoid the mall madness. Another thing is you and your Mom can ignore each other at the movies. ;)