To Comfort You Before Your Hysterectomy :-)
I know lists like these have to start somewhere...THESE are direct quotes from Hystersisters.com. They are true. I just had to share!
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To Comfort You Before your Hysterectomy
1. “You’ll be fine and back to normal in a week or so because my brother had just had the same surgery and he was fine.”
2. “Let him take everything out while he's in there.”
3. “My neighbor said after her surgery she went to the bathroom and passed something that looked like liver. Great, I really needed to know that! That was 30 yrs ago....”
4. My grandmother said, “I know hysts are painful - I've had 3.”
5. This is from a female co-worker:
Me- “I am going to be out for a while, I am having a hysterectomy.”
Her- “Oh, thats where they take all your girly parts.”
Me- “Yep. Everything but one ovary is going.”
Her – “Well can't you get pregnant if they leave that in there?”
6. My mom: "You're not going to be one of those silly women who get all weepy after your surgery, are you?"
7. My boss: "Oh, you don't need to worry about having elastic waist pants. You'll be back in your Levi's in no time!"
8. My husband: "I don't know if I can do this." (taking care of the kids, the house, me, etc.)
9. “Well, if you have to have cancer, this is the one to have.”
10. A coworker: “Make sure you milk this as long as possible, I felt fine in just 4 weeks but I milked it for 14-16 weeks. I didn't lift a finger, cook, clean, do laundry or do one single thing the whole time.”
My reply: “Yes, wasn't that when your husband started his affair?” (It was)
11. Me: “Mom I just got back from the Dr. and I am going to have a hysterectomy in November.”
Mom: (after a deep breath) “Well, you aren't going to be able to have an orgasm now; how do you feel about that?”
Me: “Mom, do you have any ideas how your parts work?”
Mom: “Yes, and the cervix is what causes an orgasm.”
I hung up, called my grandmother, and told her she needs to call my mom and discuss the birds and the bees again.
12. Comment #1-Made by co-worker: "You do know if you don't keep your ovaries you can't have kids." (She has three kids~scary!)
Comment #2-Made by my dear husband: "Babe, please don't be upset or embarrassed but I told some people that you would be off for 4-6wks and they just guessed it was a hyst. I didn't mean to share your female business." I told him it was OK.
13. a) “Will you have to have this done again? What if it grows back?”
b) “How will you pee?” (This was asked by a male co-worker of mine who is an army MEDIC! Yes I am scared.)
14. “Maybe your stomach will be smaller afterwards. Do you think you could talk your doc into doing a quick tummy tuck?” (I am only 118 pounds!!!)
15. From my 8 year old daughter: “Are these body parts next to any of the ones I know?”
16. From my mom: “I was bowling 2 days after my hysterectomy.”
17. From my mom: "Endometriosis? Isn't that what your dad has?" (They're divorced.)
18. From a family member: “You always do stuff like this around Christmas time! You've had 2 miscarriages, 2 babies, and a surgery all around the same time of year. You even got married right after Christmas. You know that makes it tough on the rest of us.”
19. My neighbor told me that SHE WAS TEACHING HER AEROBICS CLASS 3 weeks after her surgery!!!
20. My boss told me, "You MIGHT be a LITTLE bit sore for a few days, but that's why they make icepacks."
