meltdown

i know this is pointless, but i just need to write this down and get it out of my head before i explode.

my cousin, we'll call her steph, got caught cutting and throwing up. her best friend called her mom and told her that she saw cuts on steph's arm and now my aunt is just in tears because steph is only 13.

steph confessed to her older sister, kate, that she not only is afraid of becoming fat, but she throws up because she gets stressed out. she's been cutting herself with the razor she uses to shave her legs. kate took steph alone in the bathroom and made her strip down so kate could see if she had more cuts anywhere else. steph had 13 cuts on her arms, most of which were infected.

i can't stop crying. she's thirteen, she shouldn't be feeling this much pain. she's ten pounds underweight as it is. i just want to hug her and tell her that i know how it feels to resort to cutting and how it isn't the answer. i want to tell her i know how it feels to be in pain and feel like nothing can make it better. she doesn't deserve this.

i know im a hypocrite. im happy that her parents found out, now she can get the help i never got.

which brings me to the next part. im jealous of her.

she got caught. her parents care, and they are so scared and want to help her. i never had that. my parents, friends, no one noticed the pain i was in. maybe that was all i needed, someone to see that i was hurting and try to help me.

you all know that i hardly have any relationship with my mom. the same thing is happening with my dad. he used to call me his best friend, and now he has angie, and his whole world is complete. i just dont feel like im a part of that world. there is no greater pain than that of losing your status as daddy's girl. i can't even begin to explain how much that hurts.

i feel like an outcast in my own family. my mom sure as hell doesnt care, and now my dad is starting the same stuff. i feel like i've got nobody, so here i am, in tears, praying that my poor thirteen year old cousin will not end up like this.

i wish i could help her, but kate told me specifically not to tell anyone. my aunt wants to keep this flare-up under wraps for a while.

please pray for her.

Praying for you, too.

In days to come, you will be able to help this girl like no one else can - because you have been there, and know what it is like!

Is there someone, even a school counsellor, that you can talk to about feeling so abandoned by your parents?

HUGS! PT Prayers for you and Steph.

my sister is 28. i talk to her about it. she knows that i get the jealous-daughter thing going with my dad.

i talked to a counselor a few times last year and it helped. it just took a lot of courage, which i can't seem to muster right now. give it time, i guess.

She will be in our prayers.

Hi!

Aww I am so sorry to hear that!
Best wishes and thoughts to you both!

I'm so sorry for the things you are going through; being a daddy’s girl myself, I know there is nothing more important to me than my father.

Is there a way you can talk to your dad and let him know that you feel like you're not his little girl anymore. Or maybe just set a date up with him and just you 2 go out to lunch or something and bring it up.

I know the relationship I've always had with my family is weird. We all love each other very much but we never say "I Love you” We don't nor have we ever been able to talk about everything. Like feelings and stuff like that.. It almost like were embarrassed to talk to one another about things like boyfriends, crushes, sex... etc. So I always turned to my friends.
Keep talking to your sister about things.

{{{HUGS}}} and prayers to you and your cousin.

Prayers for you and your cousin.