Harry Potter parody/spoof spoiler thread

Another forum I am on started having some trouble with some people posting spoilers... and so to make fun of those that were getting annoyed some people started posting spoilers, but fake ones in the subject lines.

What ended up happening (after we all pretty much laughed the whole thing off, shook hands, hugged, and made up...) is a thread was created specifically for Harry Potter spoof (fake/parody) spoilers.

Some people have gotten quite creative and have even given whole fake summaries paragraphs long. Some of the funniest are written by those who never even read the books or seen the movies.

If anyone wants to join in, these will be the rules...

NO hinting at what really goes on in book seven.

Details from book one through five will be allowed so long as you give an "Actual Spolier" warning

This is a family friendly forum. Try to keep the posts age appropriate.

Any cross over universe can be used.

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Here's the one i used. It's a long story though and more of an inside joke as to why this would be funny. Sometimes the poster on the forum will start a random word jumble game in the middle of a thread. (Half the time it's in a serious post to lighten the mood.)

"I'd like a Harty Porter sandwich please with a side of onion rings, and a Cherry Coke."

Another poster wrote this "Harry Potter ends excactly like the Sopranos did."

And another "Harry Potter gets blown back in time by a magical explosion which turns him evil - he IS Voldemort."

Oh, i just read through planning to post the most humorous ones... and all of them are inside jokes exclusive to that forum. *sigh* ...or there are the other funny ones that plain simply have at least a PG-13 rating.

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I was just thinking that this might be fun to try here.