Any advice?! I need it ASAP!

Printable View

03-26-2007, 03:24 PM
king2005

Any advice?! I need it ASAP!

The story is too long to type out & I don't know everything either, but ask questions before assuming & I'll do my darnest to answer them.

My childhood friend popped online & I got some scary & sad info from him...very heart breaking

The love of his life has met hher breaking point. She had a horrid past & since the beginning of the year she has started going batty.

My friend is doing everything in his power to help her. Right now he has her 2 kids, their puppy & himself at his friends place.

She has beaten on him many times & hurt herself as well... SHE DOES NOT realize shes doing all this, shes not in the ssame world as us anymore... Shes not abusive, or a b!tch, shes 100% sick.

He fears his help isn't enough fast enough. He took her to the psyc ward & they refused to take her, but gave her pills, that she hates (I'm assuming shes not taking them, or not like she should be).

I haven't been close friends with Chance in MANY years, as I went to college & moved away (6yrs ago).. But I've known him since he was 3yrs old & I was 5yrs old... I still consider him a great friend & I'll still do anything for him. I have popped by to see him, but I don't know him overly well, as 6yrs is a long time.

Hes very good with words & thats what scared me!

I fear hes going to loose his mind & hurt himself, esp. if she kills herself.

I told him hes more then welcomed to come to my house & stay with me, for as long as he needs to. I'll leave in the middle of the night, in teh middle of work, anytime to go get him.

I was always with him when he was young, so I can kinda read his thoughts & I know what he capable of, & hurting himself is deffently something he would so. He would NEVER EVER hurt anyone else, esp. me. I've always picked him up off the floor & held him. Everytime hes gone nuts, I was there for him with arms open. SO he knows I'm not kidding when I said I'll get him & will bring him to my home.

What the problem is, is what do I do with him if he needs to stay, weeks or longer? I would LOVE having him over all the time again, but I want to help him get his crazy mind off of her in a healthy way.. NOT split them up, but keep him sane & healthy.

I'm not worried about money, he has money to help out. Its his mind & body I'm worried about.

Any tips on how to be the best friend I can be, please toss everything at me. You have no idea how much he means to me. Hes almost like family.
03-26-2007, 03:31 PM
Kalei

Wow that definately sounds like a situation:eek:

I think the best thing you can do is continue to be a bestfriend to him, listen to him and when he wants advice give him your honest opinion and the best advice he could hear right now.

The best thing for anyone is to be able to just be there for them.:)
03-26-2007, 03:46 PM
sweetpatata6

Kalei had great ideas and I would also like to add that you should take family time off of work ((he DEFFINATELY sounds like family)) and talk sick time. Take him and the kids places, but don't do that too much. Just treat him like those six years away never happened.
03-26-2007, 04:02 PM
king2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetpatata6

Kalei had great ideas and I would also like to add that you should take family time off of work ((he DEFFINATELY sounds like family)) and talk sick time. Take him and the kids places, but don't do that too much. Just treat him like those six years away never happened.

The kids wont be coming, they are not his. They will stay with his friend (the guy might be their father not sure, didn't ask but hes involved in their lives)... The puppy will stay behind aswell.. it'll just be my friend.

Saddly I cannot take any time off work, except to pick him up & return. I don't get paid & I'm living pay to pay.. I know he'll be just fine alone with Bear, he'll take her on walks & they'll be attached at the hip. Dogs LOVE him. My old dog loved to chew on his hands & arms (Chance was the only person he'd do that to) & wouldn't leave Chances side.

I know he'll be really uncomfy around the guys, hes kinda a homophobe, but not a hater... But everyone likes the guys, they are so easy going & not flamers.

When I saw him last month, the 3 of us, just sat in their place & watched a movie. We hardly talked, we just enjoyed each others company... She was nice & ok with me there, but there was tension, I thought she had anxiety & was shy of strangers... But she was polite ... I had waited years to get a Chance hug & I got it :D Man was it ever good, I missed those, except he was a BIG man for last hugs, now hes a toothpick :eek:

I'm just so excited that he might be coming down & I'll get to see him again.
03-26-2007, 04:37 PM
Karen

If she is indeed mentally ill, he needs to perservere and be insistent and get her real help. Try different doctors if he needs to, etc. If he's in physical danger, he could try for a restraining order, but if she's the "love of his life," he'll not want to abandon her quite so readily ...

I think staying in touch and being a friend and a nonjudgemental sounding board is the best possible thing you could do for him right now. He should probably be seeing a counselor as well, as dealing with a loved one who is mentally ill is taxing on anyone.
03-27-2007, 10:13 AM
king2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karen

If she is indeed mentally ill, he needs to perservere and be insistent and get her real help. Try different doctors if he needs to, etc. If he's in physical danger, he could try for a restraining order, but if she's the "love of his life," he'll not want to abandon her quite so readily ...

I think staying in touch and being a friend and a nonjudgemental sounding board is the best possible thing you could do for him right now. He should probably be seeing a counselor as well, as dealing with a loved one who is mentally ill is taxing on anyone.

Chance took her to the psyc ward to get her help, they turned her away :( They gave her some pills & pushed her out the door.. sigh.. Chance is trying to get her to take the pills, but I'm not sure how well its going.. hes giving her a little space, so she can try to calm down, so he can get near her, to help her.

He wont get a restraining order against her.. Shes not hunting him down & beating the heck out of him.. Its when he goes to their home & something goes wrong (like dropping a piece of paper, or some random movement) will trigger her & BAM shes beating the heck out of him... I don't think shes hurting him cause shes mad at him, I think its more of a built up anger release, cause if hes not infront of her, she'll go after the wall & thats how shes really hurting herself (that I know of).

Shes not home anymore. (they have been talking on msn(yesterday)) & she is now gone to Quebec to stay with a uz. for a week or so. Chance is hoping that she'll be able to relax & come back to her sences, as everything there will be different & her current stresses will be gone.

Hes very worried for her safety & health.. hes keeping VERY close tabs on her. If Chance is the same Chance I knew, he wont give up, until made to, or until it kills him. Hes the most trustworthy, loyal man you'll ever meet. Ya he has a lot of faults, but never towards a loved one.

I'm usually pretty good at not being judgemental in situations kinda like this. I usually just ask questions to get him talking, & so I know what has been done, etc. Then I'll have you tried this? I've heard it works.. But I'm at a total loss for this one... I know what its like to loose your mind, but not to this degree/length...
03-28-2007, 07:11 AM
sweetpatata6

Well Chance seems like he has a very good handle on what's going on, and he knows what he NEEDS to do, he just can't get there.
03-28-2007, 08:21 AM
king2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetpatata6

Well Chance seems like he has a very good handle on what's going on, and he knows what he NEEDS to do, he just can't get there.

I feel so sorry for him... I wish there was more I could do... I would love to go see him but I cannot afford that kind of a trip :(
03-28-2007, 10:05 AM
Lori Jordan

What a situation,Those poor kids,Sounds to me she needs to be in a hospital to make her better.
03-28-2007, 10:20 AM
king2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lori Jordan

What a situation,Those poor kids,Sounds to me she needs to be in a hospital to make her better.

She does, but they turned her away.

Back home there is a rule. If your born there, you'll die there & more then likely young.

The drug use & mental illness is pretty high there (that town has the highest crime ratio of ALL of Canada.. rapes, murders, suicides & DRUGS galore!!!)... I blame some of it on health care... If they would help more young folks who want/need help, then the suicide ratio would drop drasticly! & so would a lot of other ratios, drug use!!!

I was one of the lucky ones that got out of that town before getting mixed up in drugs. As I was heading down a BAD path as I did see no future like everyone else. Even though my Ex was a horrible person, if him & his family didn't take me into the city with them for school, I never would have gone & I would have stayed with the ummmm... lets leave it at that... But ya, it would have been bad :(

My sister got mixed up in drugs at about 12yrs old. She got preg. at 14 & OD'ed over & over & over to kill it... She was a horrid reck... When I finished college, dad no longer had to pay for my child care (I would have stayed in school longer, but I knew my sister needed the $ more then I did).. so my dad got her out of that town & into school.. Shes been clean (even from pot) since Aug 2006 or a little earlier... She hasn't touched coke, or E in years. She has cut way back on drinking, to the point she only drinks at parties, but doesn't get wasted... He smoking is going down.. She hasn't quit it yet, but she keeps cutting back at her own pace.

Chance & his g/f will be in that town, prob. for life. Unless they get a break, Chance was offered free university paid by his uncle, but he still hasn't gone :( I tried to incourage him to go, but he doesn't want to leave home :(
03-28-2007, 10:22 AM
Lori Jordan

What town are they in?
03-28-2007, 10:49 AM
king2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lori Jordan

What town are they in?

Smiths Falls

Its where the Hershey Plant is.. but I think its still shut down, which is horrible news! the RRC is closing & thats bad enough! if both go, the town is going to die even more.

As a passer by, you'd never know the town was a hell hole, as the mayor spends lots on decorations. The people you meet are friendly, its what you don't see is the problem.
03-28-2007, 10:58 AM
Catty1

Stunningly beautiful area, up highway 7...so sad that there is so much despair in the midst of that paradise.

Prayers for Chance and that woman.
03-28-2007, 11:17 AM
king2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catty1

Stunningly beautiful area, up highway 7...so sad that there is so much despair in the midst of that paradise.

Prayers for Chance and that woman.

Many years ago I was talking to sthe elders of my old neighbourhood & learned why the town is the way it is..

It use to be a VERY rich town. The trains use to stop there & the town made a tone of cash off that. That pretty much supplied the whole town its wealth. Then the trains stopped & the town went poor too quickly, so people couldn't move away, they were trapped. They became depressed, & the crime & drugs took over.

If you go to the other side of the train tracks, thats the old town. I REFUSE TO GO NEAR THERE!! its that bad!! I had to go there once. I had my old dog (lab, rottie, pitty mix, so he was BIG) & my friend her her 200lb Rottie. Even with their muscle & with them being pprotective of us, we were still scared to death!!

My neighbourhood use to be ok as I was growing up.. its where all the old people lived. Then they all kicked the bucket & their homes sold for cheap & families moved in. Thats when crime went WAY up in our neighbourhood. If it wasn't for our dog, we would have lost everything. He stopped a LOT of people trying to break in & those are only the ones I know about.

I will not walk the streets alone there, not even now. I feel safer walking to my car in our getto neighbourhood at night, then in the middle of the day back home!!(the main drag & many areas are safe for visitors, but not for people like me!! I'm known(not in a bad way, but I still don't want those people near me) & people think i'm my sister & having crack heads coming up to me, or a large gang of teens hounding me, is bloody scary!!! Thats why most visitors see nothing. Dealers, druggies, & the others don't just walk up to anyone. & most do have manors. The people I was with were the sweetest kindest people you could meet. You'd never know they were into what they were into. I sure as heck didn't for the first year, I had no clue, until I was fully accepted/trusted & then sat down & told.. Talk about a shock :eek: