Redneck Humour

HILLBILLY MIRROR

After living in the remote wilderness of New South Wales in a little town called Armidale all his life, an old hillbilly named Wombat decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, Wombat remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about That! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife Lizzy didn't like his father. So he hung it in the shed and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed. One day After her husband left, she searched the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

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THE BOYS
Clyde from Arkansas died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the
morgue needed someone to identify the body.
So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem looked down and said: "Nope, it ain't Clyde"
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Zeke in to identify the body and Zeke took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said: "No, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Zeke said: "Well, Clyde had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time the three of us went to town, folks would say: "Here comes Clyde with them two assholes."