Words of condolences-

This is hard for me when its something that is so hard to put into words.
A dear friend, assistant to my husband, lost her husband to a 4 almost 5 year battle with cancer. He has been in such pain especially for the last year- and finally lost the battle saturday morning. He was also a young man of 42 years old..
I talked to her briefly- with words of " I am so sorry to hear of his passing- and will hold you and your family in prayers in the hours of grief."...
I am sure all of this is awful but her- I wanted so bad to say " he is no longer in pain honey..." etc- but it sounds cold to me. And waiting for her to come to this realization when its time..
Some situations defy explaination I have found- and words seem hallow- but without saying something because more hallow and cold..
Cancer is a dredful disease- right about the time you think things are improving, with some it comes back worse leaving the family confused and shocked.. Right now we just wait- saying " if there is anything we can do.." but it never seems like enough..

I know what you mean. The words seem hollow but in reality they do mean a lot.

My condolences to your coworker and her family.

Unfortunately, there are no right things to say when someone passes. At least I don't think so.

At my dad's funeral, the priest who did the service said, "death isn't painful for the one who died, it's painful for those who loved him."

You're right, he's free now. It's time for us as survivors to heal now.

Here is a poem that has helped me:

I am safely home in Heaven, dear ones
Oh, so happy and so bright
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light
All the pain and grief is over
Every restless tossing passed
I am now at peace forever
Safely home in Heaven at last
Did you ever wonder why I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade?
Oh! but Jesus' love illuminated
Every dark and fearful glade
And He came Himself to meet me
Is that way so hard to tread
And with Jesus' arm to lean on
Could I have one doubt or dread?
Then you must not grieve so sorely
For I love you dearly still
Try to look beyond earth's shadows
Pray to trust our Father's will.
There is work still waiting for you
So you must not idly stand
Do it now, while life remaineth
You shall rest in Jesus' land.
When that work is all completed
He will gently call you home
Oh, the rapture of that meeting
Oh, the joy to see you come.
Author unknown to me ~

that is beautiful ... and well said.. thank you..

Michelle as someone who has lost both kids and a husband, believe me the words mean a lot. The worst part isn't that the words may seem hollow,(we do know you mean them even if it seems everyone says them) it is when people pull away or *poof* because they don't know what to say. Or they vanish because our grief makes them uncomfortable, just be there for her, as much as you can. Your family and theirs have our utmost sympathy in this time. Hugs to your hubby and you and Big hugs to her.

I have something from a memorial card at home and will post it or mail it to you tomorrow and maybe you can give it to her and she will appreciate it and I know we did when we got it from John's Aunt so maybe it might help.

Please let her know that we are thinking of her even though we have never met she and her family will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Jo

It IS really hard, and I know how you feel. When our friends lost their baby, it just seems like no words are adequate. I'm sorry sounds so hollow, and nothing you say really sounds right. As others have said, try to be there and be support. People are all around when it first happens, but then they either disappear due to dicomfort, like others have said, or they just go on with their lives and the person with the loss is still feeling it so strongly. They can begin to feel alone after the first rush of people stops coming around. I'm sorry for their loss, it is especially harder when they are young like that. Thoughts and prayers for them, and all involved.

Some times its not the words you say - its the fact that you have gone out of your way to say them. So many people say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. When Dad died what hurt most was the people who said nothing about it - even a self conscious mumble "I am sorry to hear about your Dad" meant the world me. A hug meant even more..........

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's husband. :( I understand what you mean about finding the right words to say. Maybe you could just drop her an "I'm thinking of you" card now and then. It doesn't need to say anything particular about the situation, but it will just let her know that she hasn't been forgotten. Maybe make a meal for her or dessert now and then as well. These "little" things can go a very long way in easing the pain!
Hugs to you and this friend! ;)