Is there anything extra I can do??

Printable View

01-07-2007, 01:45 PM
Toby's my baby

Is there anything extra I can do??

I'm going to try make this is short as possible, but it might end up being kind of long....

This last Tuesday night, my boyfriend and a friend of his went to his house. My boyfriend (josh) and his friend had a drink ( :rolleyes: ) and his parents were drinking. His dad beat up his mom, and hit his younger brother who is 14 years old I think. Well Josh and his friend drove into town, to the police station, and told the police. Josh was scared to go home, knowing that his dad might be a little angry with him for telling the cops and possibly hit him, so he went to his friends house. His parents didn't know where he went and I think they called the cops. The next morning Josh wasn't at school, so I started to worry. I eventually found him later in the day, and we didn't get to talk long, because he had to go to class, but he said "I'm not going back home" and I had NO idea what he was talking about because we hadn't talked about it yet so I didn't know what was going on. Later I found out a little bit, and I told him to come to my house that night so we could talk about everything and about him going home. Well after school we were gonna meet, he was gonna go to a friends house while I went to basketball, and then he was gonna come over. He never showed after school, so I gave my aunts phone number to two of his friends.
When I got home, I called his friend and asked him if Josh was there so I could tell him he could come over, he said no, he hadn't seen him and he had no idea where he was, and maybe he was with Joe. So, I called Joe and joe said he thought Josh was with me. I was in a HUGE panic, I had no idea where Josh had went, and he told me he wasn't going home and none of us knew where he was. Eventually, at about 11 PM I found out his mom had come and picked him up at school and brought him home so he wouldn't "run away".
The next day at school, Josh called his mom and asked if it was ok if he stayed at a friend house. I'm not sure what all his mom said, but in the end she said she was going to call the cops and tell them that he was running away, even though she knew exactly where he was going to go. At school, Josh went to the counsiling office and told them what was going on. After school, he went to the police station, and told them the whole story, and that he didn't want to go home if his parents were going to drink and that his dad might be VERY angry with him. So, he's now staying with his Grandparents. He said he never wants to go home again, because it is an "alcoholic and abusive house". Don't get me wrong, Josh's parents are VERY nice people, but they do drink quite a bit. I'm not sure why his dad hit his mom or what went on there. I think his little brothers are still staying at the house, because they aren't at his grandparents house.
I feel so hopeless, is there anything I can do to help him out? I've never had a friend in this situation before and I don't know what to do. I haven't told my parents about it yet, they just got home from a trip, but should I? Or is this too private for me to tell them about? But what if one night he need somewhere to go?? I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. I love him so much, and feel so hopeless... :(
01-07-2007, 01:51 PM
JenBKR

Wow...I really feel for you and Josh. I don't know what kind of advice I can give you, but I think talking to your parents about this is a great idea. That's certainly what I would do. I know it seems like you can't do anything to help, but just being there for him is probably helping him more than you realize. ((((hugs)))
01-07-2007, 01:52 PM
borzoimom

Any admission to any councilor of physical abuse has to be reported to the police. I hope they continue to handle this..
01-07-2007, 01:58 PM
JenBKR

Quote:

Originally Posted by borzoimom

Any admission to any councilor of physical abuse has to be reported to the police. I hope they continue to handle this..

Well, that's not necessarily true. There are some guidelines to that (such as it has to be heard straight from the person being abused, etc.) but in general you may be right, if the admissions fit the criteria :)
01-07-2007, 02:16 PM
BitsyNaceyDog

I don't really know what more you can do seeing as how the police are already involved. I wouldn't push Josh to talk to you, but make it known that you are there for him if and when he wants to talk.
I'd tell your parents. First of all you were there and witnessed his parents abuse. You may at some point be asked to fill out a witness report, if so it'll be better that your parents know the situation ahead of time. Also if Josh calls late at night because he needs to talk your parents may be a bit more understanding if they know the situation.

When I was in high school I had a friend who was abused by her parents and she was taken out of their care and then adopted by another family. The dad in that family then abused her. She came to school with the most unbelievable bruises and cuts. She would cover it the best she could with make-up and long clothes. I knew about it as did a few other of our friends. She didn't want to be taken out of that home the way she was taken away from her birth parents so we said nothing. Then one time she came to school so badly beat that I had to do something. I went to the school counselor and told him the situation without giving him my friend's name. He told me that if it was as bad as I was telling him that he needed to know her name, I told him. Child services were called and my friend's father was arrested that day and she was pulled out of that house and placed with another friend's family. They were good people and she fit right into their family. She never did go back to live with her adopted family, but she did see them often and she was happy and safe with her "new" family.
01-07-2007, 02:46 PM
borzoimom

It is in our state, and Minnesota as well. ( my husband is from there..) I hope they can handle it.. With abuse potential, and drinking beyond control, please let the authorities handle this. I know you care for your friend- but for your safety - please let them handle this..
01-07-2007, 03:56 PM
moosmom

Just be there for your friend, to lend a shoulder and an ear. That's what true friends are for. I feel bad for him and his home situation. You might want to suggest Al-Anon, a support group for relatives of alcoholics. It will help him understand a little better, although there is no excuse for their behavior.
01-07-2007, 04:35 PM
animal_rescue

Quote:

Originally Posted by borzoimom

It is in our state, and Minnesota as well. ( my husband is from there..) I hope they can handle it.. With abuse potential, and drinking beyond control, please let the authorities handle this. I know you care for your friend- but for your safety - please let them handle this..

I'm pretty sure she is. I think she just wants a way to comfort her boyfriend.

I agree with Donna, just be there for him.
01-07-2007, 04:40 PM
borzoimom

I understand she wants to offer comfort- but people are already getting hit and beat up... This needs to be handled by those able to do so for her protection..
01-07-2007, 09:23 PM
Toby's my baby

Thanks everybody. I talked to him tonight, and he talked to me a little more about it. His mom disconnected his cell phone until he comes home. :rolleyes: He said he's thinking about it, but he's not quite ready to go back yet. I think everything has been handled since the incident by the police. His brothers are staying at home, and his parents haven't drank since. I'm pretty sure they aren't "alcoholics" because they do know when they are drunk, and that they have had too many, because I've talked to them about it before. I'm glad things are going up instead of farther down. They are such a great family, I'd hate to see them broken up. He's also going to get a job tomorrow morning so he isn't at home so much. Sounds like everything is going to be ok, I just hope things stay this way...
01-07-2007, 09:29 PM
kimlovescats

It is great that you are being a real friend to Josh. I am glad also that he was smart and spoke with his school counsellors! Just keep being his friend and if at any time you really feel concerned about his safety, don't be afraid to tell your parents or another adult or "official"!!! ;)
01-07-2007, 09:31 PM
Catty1

Alcoholics CAN stop drinking for a while, now and then. But there's nothing to stop them drinking, and the beating will continue...this isn't the first time it has happened, is it?

I hope your friend gets more information about what kind of disease alcoholism is. It's not cured by one bad scare from the police.

Good luck - I hope your friend gets help!
01-08-2007, 07:08 PM
Toby's my baby

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catty1

Alcoholics CAN stop drinking for a while, now and then. But there's nothing to stop them drinking, and the beating will continue...this isn't the first time it has happened, is it?

I hope your friend gets more information about what kind of disease alcoholism is. It's not cured by one bad scare from the police.

Good luck - I hope your friend gets help!

Yes it is the first time it has happend..

I saw Josh's mom today, while we were driving into a parking lot she was walking to her car. I didn't talk to her, but she didn't look beat up or anything..

Sounds to me like Josh's mom is bribeing (sp) him to come home, she disconnected his cell phone until he comes home, and she said when he does come home she'd buy him a RAZOR cell phone. :rolleyes: