Teacher arrested at JFK by the DHS
Sent: Saturday, September 02, 2006 5:07 AM
Subject: Teacher Arrested at JFK
Friday: September 01, 2006 4:02 PM
Teacher Arrested At JFK
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today
at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in possession of a
ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a
calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General
Alberto Gonzales (appointed by Pres. George W. Bush)
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who
has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They
desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They
use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There
are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall
a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
