Things my Mother has taught me ...
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why!"
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident!
"My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about!"
My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"
My mother taught me about THE WEATHER:
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home!"
My mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way!"
My mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me HUMOUR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me!"
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!"
My mother taught me GENETICS:
"You're just like your father!"
My mother taught me about MY ROOTS:
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me WISDOM:
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand!"
And my mother also taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
