Things that Hallmark cards don't say...

I got this in an email today from my favorite cousin and thought I'd share. I needed a good laugh and boy did this fit the bill!! Enjoy!


************************************************** ******
Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

H ow could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love
After having met you .

I've changed my mind.

-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

################################################## ##

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

************************************************** ******************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

================================================== ===

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday

So we're having you put to sleep.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

LOL !!! Those were great, They really put a smile on my face ! :)
thanks for sharing !!! :D

ROFLMAO!!!!! too early for tummy ache but worth it...........every word........ LOVED IT!!! thanks for the good and I mean GOOOOD laugh

:D :D Sending it round to all my mates :D :D

LMAO!:D :D :D Why don't they make cards like that?;)

Quote:

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Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday

So we're having you put to sleep.

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This one had me cracking up because I was just joking with a friend that I was going to have to put her to sleep soon. :p

Quote:

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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

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ROTFLMBO! Maury shold buy those in bulk for the guests on his show!

This one made me laugh out loud. :D


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

Okay, moosmom, time to open you very own card store!! :D :D :D :D

Oh MY God!!!!!!!!! What a rip!!!! I love it!!!

Incidently, on the side, have you heard from Dr.Goodnow? I miss her posts!!! :(

Dorothy,

No, I haven't heard from Kym. She was going to try and convince Jas to get away for a few days, so maybe that's where they are. They certainly deserve it after all they've been through. I've tried calling them a couple of times but got the answering machine.

I should open my own Hallmark store, huh? At least I'd be gainfully employed!! :p

Thank-You , says Dorothy.

I really do feel a nice vacation is in order for all of them. I just think of her so often.

And, yes, you would be gainfully employed , you could call your cards, "Benchmark Cards"
I'd help you design and sell them, ;)


I started cracking up, just coming up with a few enclosures!!!! :D :D :D

Those are funny! :D Thanks for posting them.

Quote:

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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

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LOL!!!