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> >
> >Words to Live By
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.*
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.*
3. Going to a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.*
4. It isn't the jeans that make your ** butt look fat.*
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.*
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.*
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.*
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.*
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.*
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.*
11. Bills travel through the mail at * *twice the speed of checks.*
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.*
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. (Just remember how lucky you were to
get a free trip around the sun.)*
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.*
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.*
16. A balanced diet is a **cookie in each hand.*
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.*
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.*
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.*
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.*
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake
when you make it again.*
22. By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.*
23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.*
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
*
25. If you must choose between two evils, choose the one that you've
never
tried before. *
